Short Notes…

Photo by Lum3n on

I started writing short notes while I was at work. I have always thought words have a way of changing how I feel. My favorite line is, “write down how you are feeling, the good, and bad things.” It could help clear your mind.

Once you can see all sides in black and white, it will help you make a better decision. Then again notes can be a reminder of positive thoughts or a quick laugh…


Who Are You?

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on

I am surprised I let that door open and my guard down. I have been so careful, not getting too close to anyone, nor letting anyone getting close to me. 

I am not going to lie, that my feelings were hurt when someone I called my friend has turned that friendship to their own gain. I guess I am going to have to start building that wall again, a little stronger, and will take longer to let the next person get closer to me.

The old me would have closed everyone out and stayed hidden away, but the new me says that’s not who I am. I will not run nor will I keep to myself. I cannot and will not be afraid to trust someone who may or may not be my friend.

I may help when there is a need, because that is what friends do. Then again if that same request is repeated over and over to a point where I am your answer to your request. I am NO LONGER A FRIEND.

It’s cool, because I am cutting myself off. Just like that Kenny Rogers song  from the movie ‘The Gambler’ – “you have to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and know when to walk away.” (I really should watch the video to get the words correctly and not just go by from what I remember)

It is sad that you are now a passing friend, but all in all it’s a good thing. I am not turning against you all together and one day we may talk this out and try to start over, but it all depends on you. You may not have seen your mistake or thought nothing of it. 

I will wait and answer your next call and see what the outcome will be? Will we start or will we be passing friends. Passing friends are just people who exchange small talk if seen out and about and keep it moving.  I cannot wait to see who you are or who you will be?

Bye IV Now, LD*

Yes or No?

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on

Ever start doing something and you know you are in the right and you keep things moving, because “I am right.” Then you start to slow down and look at what you are doing?

  1. What am I doing?
  2. Why am I doing this?
  3. Do I need to do this?

These three questions got me to stop trying to redo my past work. I wanted to put everything that said, “Online Traveling” under the menu, but since I didn’t know how to do that at the start of this blog and there wasn’t anyone who could help (for free) to set up my page correctly. 

It doesn’t matter or does it? I am thinking about adding the rest?  YES or NO? I am going to think about this one..

Bye IV Now, LD*

Staying Focus….

I am determined to stay focus on my goal to be a better me: 

  • Mind – holding on to positive thoughts, not over looking mistakes, but to learn from them. 
  • Body – understand I may Never be a size 10 again, but I don’t have to be a  plus size any longer. 
  • Spirit – not just listening to gospel, or reading the Word, but applying what I learn  to my every step.

It isn’t as easy to look out at the world and feel lost or afraid? People are stealing, (from stores in daylight, the threat to harm customers as well as employees is a scary thing)  and it’s what I have to live through every time I go to work.

The question I had to ask myself is do I stay and keep praying to be safe and those around me or ask myself questions about the company I am working for?

  1. Is this job enough to pay living expenses, health benefits, and encourage growth within the company?
  2. Am I enjoying what I am doing or counting the minutes before I can leave?

Wow, I thought I could get more than two questions. I don’t have health coverage and a place of my own. I am not designing, or putting stuff in order. 

My answer to those two questions is “no,” and I am Smart enough to move on (but not before I find something else). I also know I don’t want to go to another dead end job. 

It goes back to your mind and spirit. It is beyond time to let my creative stand strong, because  I can learn. My faith says I have NO reason to fear.

My body needs work, and it’s time I get it moving. I will be a Better Me! I have taken steps like drinking more water, yoga, dancing, and with every step I walk I am getting closer to my goal.

Bye IV Now, LD*

Learning New Things- Part 1

My mind is running wild right now, but I am determined to keep my thoughts in order as I set them free. Although my eyes would love nothing better than to close and give my body so much needed rest, but my creative side won’t allow that to happen.

I learned a few things yesterday, and I am still smiling over it. I cannot stress how much I LOVE the world of words!!!!! Words are unlimited:

  • They teach


  • They clarify
  • They make you think
  • They have feelings
  • They make you express these feeling


As much as I want to explain each of those points, they were not my first thought. I am going to keep my own word and write things in order and not get sidetracked, because I am trying to clear my mind.

I have been saying, “I would rather have a book in hand and not read a story online”. I still like reading books, but a few days ago I got bored. I know I am NOT alone at least not right (can’t believe I have to pick up my phone to see what date it is. Yes, I have lost all track of time. Who knew staying home would cause this? On a side note: I pray this new form of sickness will die out as satan’s thought should and all of the people on this earth stay healthy and go back to their normal life. Today is April 4, 2020 at 7:33am EST).

Anyway I didn’t feel like reading any books I have on hand and with the library being closed. What was I supposed to do? I had to try this new age of reading. Think goodness the library has some free sites and of course the first one I chose wasn’t an ebook, but an audio book.  I didn’t want to listen to a book. I wanted to read one. 

I was supposed to have tried again after I closed out of that page, I did not, but turned back to the television. I want to say it took me two days to try again. I got it right yeah. Then my smile turned all around, because I thought they only had two of one of my favorite authors.

I am like that isn’t right, because Johanna Lindsey has way too many books to count. Then again I guess I can go back to google and get that list, but that would be another side step. 

It wasn’t hard to retype what I wanted and found new books, YES! Then I calm down and tell myself not to get too excited, because sometimes I remember a book cover before I recall the story and a new book cover always takes that joy away. I have been known to reread a book, but that comes with a less full memory of the book. If I just remember the basic storyline yes I can reread it, but if I remember the ending no way. What would be the point if I remember what’s going to happen before I start reading it? That would not be a good time enjoying a book.

I am reading “Prisoner of My Desire,” by Johanna Lindsey and my mind is still thinking about what I have read and thinking of what could happen and going through a whole lot of emotions with every word I am reading.

Two days ago I was enjoying the story, but last night this book took me to a level I didn’t realize I was at? I started reading a little after 4pm, and had to make myself turn the computer off at 2:35am. My eyes were barely open and my mind was beyond clear. 

This was new to me and honestly I never thought I would be reading a book online. Well a real book anyway, meaning I have seen mini books on – I am cutting myself off, because I do want to talk about this, but I need to finish one point at a time.

I realized since I am always thinking about so many thoughts I start off with one thing, move on to two or more thoughts, and then will come back to my first thought. I have been told by family and friends to slow down and ask  “What did you say?” I have learned to slow down my speech (I came from New York to North Carolina and people here talk really really slow. It still bugs me. Get to the point) and repeat my words once again.

I had tried crocheting as I read online, that didn’t work, because my stitches were pulled way too tight for my liking. I couldn’t stop reading even when my tummy started yelling at me. I cooked dinner in between paragraphs. That was something I never could do with a book in hand.

The book would close. You may leave a bookmark, but the motions it takes to get to the page and your spot. I am actually shaking my head, because in this case a book on a computer is better. The pages don’t turn and if anyone is like me. I am still thinking about what I have already read and my eyes go straight to that next line.

I may not have dreamed about this book, but when I had to make a bathroom run close to 5am it had me thinking about it.

(I know it’s good that I am drinking more water, but it keeps you moving when all you want to do is your own thing) I tried to go back to sleep, but I am a little upset at what that fool is making her go through. 

I haven’t done a book review in a minute and I believe it’s going to happen as soon as I finish reading this book. I had to laugh at my mother, because she says “at least you can’t go to the end of the book.” I told her I can and did. He (the guy in the book) has  me so upset that I really didn’t want to read anymore, but I calmed down a little. No I take that back, I still want to punch him in his mouth. I am still reading, because I REALLY don’t believe the ending. I know I have to continue reading to come to an understanding of that ending, because right now I don’t see it.

Once my eyes were focused all I wanted to do was get back into the book, but my reflection in the bathroom mirror has been changing that thought. Its not like I am going to work, so I will have time for my book at another time, but now I will finish what I have started.

I missed working out at the gym, but that was many many years ago when I worked at a gym. It was easy to come in an hour early and workout for thirty minutes and stay an hour at the end if you had the time.

I had to change jobs and look for somewhere else where I could continue my progress. I did join another gym, but it was way too much work getting there. I also noticed I didn’t use the whole gym, because of time and not being comfortable with so many men in the area.

The gym time ended soon for me as well as the weight lost. I know I have to get moving to get back to a better me. I had that in mind as I went for my first attempt to go for a walk. I listened to three songs before I was walking back to my front door. I can’t even lie to myself and say it was a good start.

If I was talking I knew I could go farther. Talking takes your mind off of what you don’t want to do with each step, but with no one able to walk with me. I tried calling a few people, but one cannot hope anyone would be available to talk with you when you need them to talk.

An idea came to me yesterday as I signed out of that audio book account I set up a few days ago. I wonder if I could walk father if I was listening to a book and not think about sitting down? 

I was going to get to that plan as soon as it came in mine, but that wasn’t my first thought. I have kept my word and wrote out each thought as it happened and now I am going to get dressed and go for that walk.

I learned a few more things yesterday. I was going to just add a time and add on to this story, but I realized that isn’t me. I like to write a story or two, but when that story becomes a book. I am not into that and that is why there comes a “part 2” to stories like this one. It’s time for my walk……


Bye IV Now, LD*