03/03/2020

 

 

Hey James,

    I now realized why I hadn’t blocked your number and was still reading your text. I was hoping that you just apologized, but I now accept that will never happen. I am a little sad for we have been friends for over thirty years and true I have only been saved for about twenty years. 

        In time I have noticed the change in you and we have always talked out one problem after another and I know you are mostly a one sided person and that is okay.

     Yet, we were able to keep finding things to talk about and offer helpful suggestions or just an ear to listen. I have never asked for anything other than that and that was cool.

      Times have changed and either you grow or you get left behind and I am moving forward. I guess it’s true what they say, “We all grow older, but some never learn as they grow.” I wonder why it took me so long to get that?

     This past Sunday before I could get into my church an older church member made me feel so low and out of place, I had to take a deep breath, and realized I am NOT the person I was years ago. His words, “So, when are we going to get together?” as he put his hand on my waste and “No, I have encouraged such action and didn’t appreciate it.” 

     I was going to let it go, but for some reason I cannot do it. I kept  thinking if he did this to me, he may have or will do it to someone else? It isn’t just his age (for his youngest child is in his forties and has great grand kids) for he is old enough to be my father. One would think he should know when and whom he can do that too and it wasn’t me.

     I was even considering letting go of the person I am today and bringing the New Yorker out, a person I never wanted to see again, and once again I realized  I am not going to let anyone change who I am today. One cannot move forward if they have to keep opening that closed door.

     I am strong and oh so much better then these fools. A person who I thought knew me, but I was wrong. Then again I changed into a better person and he is still that 18 year old and the older gentlemen who should know better.

      I am now laughing, because I am done letting people take my kindness as weakness. It’s 6:42am now I was going to end this here, but I told of two events in my life and I was only able to write out the outcome of one of those events. So, I guess I cannot end this until I speak to someone in the church office.

 

Until later, LD*

 

                        03/04/2020

 

 

I let the driver know and he said he would call me back and we could talk more about what happened. I knew it was early and people do have work, but that was yesterday and no response. I am going to be nice and give him to the end of the week. I will contact someone else in the church. I am not going to press charges, but I will not let anyone think they can treat me as if I am a female dog.

Well, I am going to redo my book to my liking. I know everyone wants details, but sometimes less is better. I am going to do it my way, because it’s who I am. I WILL do what I believe is the best thing for me.

I am now thinking why it is taking you so long in getting back with me. I told a few others and they said it’s more likely another male will take their side and brush this aside and now I am trying not to be on that page.

I am going to get into my own world and leave reality for an hour before I have to get ready to go to service. I pray he will not say anything to me, because I may not be as nice.

Bye IV now, LD*

 

                     3/7/2020

 

Dear James,

Oh how I actually miss talking to you and I am praying you are safe. When I heard Tennessee had a tornado touch ground I  REALLY wanted to call you and see if you and your family was okay, but I couldn’t figure out how to unblock your number. 

I can only pray you are safe. I wished you had just apologized, because after a church member overstepped the line and made me feel low. I really needed a friend, even if I know that friend isn’t as strong minded as I am.

I kept my word and moved to the back of the bus, and happily worked on my crochet. I am always relaxed when I see a project look like what I imagine how it would look like and it’s becoming  reality. It made my ride to service that much enjoyable. It all changed when I got off of the church bus an;

Older Gentleman    : “You are awfully quiet today?” 

(Me) Lisa                   :   “I didn’t want to be around hurtful words, so I moved away from those who felt they had to put someone down for whatever reason.”

Older Gentleman    : “Don’t let them get to you.”

(Me) Lisa                   : That’s why I moved to –

He cut me off by leaning into me and saying, “So when are we going to get together?” and placing his hand on my waist. I was so put off, but I looked out of the church window and saw my church, mumbled something and got off of the bus as fast as I could. 

I hate that one touch made me feel lower then dirt for a second. Why do men look at a female and see a dog and not a woman? I am so glad I know who I am and what I’m not.

The driver stopped me, by asking me about my job, I answered him and quickly ran inside of my church building. I closed my eyes to what had happened as a few smiling faces and welcome greetings was able to calm me down.

I told a friend, who gave me a ride home, and a few others. I agreed I should tell someone who works for the church. I let the driver know, and more than 48 hours have passed without a reply.

A Friend     : You know they aren’t going to do anything.

I didn’t want to believe those words, but they are starting to sound true. I am   sounding like a broken record, because I just about already wrote this…..

I didn’t post the first one, because I was waiting for an answer…. An Answer I Never got…. I am going to make a call to the church office on Monday morning and see what they say…..

I wonder what James would say about this?

 

Bye IV Now, LD*