No Cake….

                                                                                                                 6/5/2020 ~ 4:33pm

I can’t believe I have to go back on my own words. I knew I needed another job, but standing for five hours had me rethinking that thought. Then out of the blue another job opened its doors and I said, “yes,” before I could even blink.

At least at the retail job I have to wear a mask, although it is uncomfortable, at least I’m safe from another person’s  germs. I agreed to work at a new restaurant without asking that question. I am praying they are also requiring we wear a mask as well.

All I want to do is not work at all, but one cannot do that. I should say, “All I want to do is get back on working on setting my dreams free,” and I will not give that up. I need to get out an ink pen or two along with some paper and work out a plan.


Someone once asked why do I still use pen and paper when a computer does the same thing only faster? I agree to a point. When I have a pen in my hand as I am writing I am not correcting and I can stay focused on being creative or writing out a plan.

This time I will put my list on a wall where I will see it every day. It will not stay in a book to be forgotten. It is true what they say about not being in sight – things get put aside until it’s forgotten. 


I know I am not able to travel right now, but I would love to do that one day. I will never be able to do much of anything working paycheck to paycheck once again. So, it’s time to step up and step out of my normal routine.

I know it’s easier said than done, because I know what I have to do and I have lost count on the times I got side stepped. It’s no wonder it’s easier to let fear get into your mind and we stop following through with what was on our hearts to do? 

I just looked up and realized my Bible is across the room and that made me smile. I am not smiling, because it is across the room. I am smiling, because whatever you are going through, I know there will be some encouraging words to push you to your next step in The Bible.


Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2 Corinthians 1:4 KJV


That’s more of what’s going on now, more than what I am feeling right now, but it is still a good thought.

My mind says I need to add on a lot more, but I am wasting sunlight. I need to get back to my blue rainbow project. I decided to redo it, because I overlooked the same problem I had before.

I started to continue, but then I would lose money. I am working smarter. It may have taken a moment, but I am here.

I know this is way too short, so I will hold onto it, and hopefully come back tomorrow. I am so hungry, but I already had some yogurt. Think I’ll grab an apple until dinner time. This not eating, well eating less is  no way near fun..


                                 Sat’ 6/6/2020 ~ 3:48pm

I awoke with a totally different plan than what I wanted to do yesterday.  I was letting my bank account talk for me and overlooking the pain I am going through now. I had to start asking what’s more important, pushing myself closer to the grave or trying hard to stay out of it?

I put in a request to see if they will allow me to work one day. They may or may not agree to it and either way. I am good. So far they have not given me a response and I am still good.

I am also going to give my brother one more week to keep his word, because I know once I get my website up I will bring in a few extra dollars. I am not looking to pay for road trips, or anything fancy. I am hoping – No, I will make enough to pay for healthcare, food, and maybe enough to go to the movies once in a while.

I also know I need to work on my blue rainbow project, but my heart just isn’t into it. Oh that is another thing I am going to do whether I like it or not. I will give my friend her one of a kind gift for her first baby. 

I would love to work outside on the patio, but the heat coming from the sun has me thinking that is out of the question. There isn’t anything on TV to catch my attention. It’s a good thing for DVDs Oh wow I just remembered so I think I’ll go there instead…


                               Tues 6/9/2020 ~ 6:41am

I kept on thinking I forgot something as I was doing so many things at one time and then I remembered, I didn’t post this, and that wasn’t good. I was going to post what I had, but once again a thought came to mind. And as much as I want to say more, I have an hour to eat and get ready for work. 

So once again I am going to put this thought aside and come back when once again my time is my time. The work day had to come back into reality.

(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV

I couldn’t get that thought “walk by faith & not by sight,” after I read:

Once again David inquired of the Lord , and the Lord answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.”

1 Samuel 23:4 NIV


Why must we second guess the Word and then once again I realized “fear” is not just a word.


The good thing about working retail is, someone will always call out or need to change a day. I got an extra work day tomorrow. I have finally cooled off (a lukewarm shower does help get that started) and a half a bottle of water added that statement. 

I also realized I must be dehydrated, because I couldn’t get enough water. It actually tasted good and I wanted another bottle. I guess I should have done that, but my mind was yelling, “NO!” 

One could get full on water and if I don’t eat dinner I know I will be up at 3am hungry, I thought I finish my thought from this morning and then settle down and get something to eat.

I am going to try NOT get any of that chocolate cake my mother brought home. I am working hard on being a better me and that would be at least 85lbs less, so no cake for me.


I am smiling, because I see in the bottom left corner of my screen I am over the 1,000 word count mark…..

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1245 Word Count)

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