No More Tears



What do you do when people look at you with dead eyes? A strange question and if you are wondering what are dead eyes? There may be many answers, but the one that I am referring one. When people are really looking at you as if you are not even there. You are so meaningless that you are dead to them.

I am not working, but I am looking for a job. I am online and going to every interview and ding everything I can. I lost my chance years ago of any real training. I was so angry feeling  other people’s responsibilities were put on me and looking for love.

If only I knew I wasn’t going to find love then, because I didn’t know what love was. My mind was so full of pain, there was no room for love, and I am so grateful that is not where I am standing today.

When you look at me – I wonder what you see? Do you see the person is has a caring heart and she will do anything for you? Do you see the person who once had a dream, turned down a life of her own to help you, or do you believe she wasn’t worth having a dream. Was she meant to be your maid and bank account, she wasn’t meant to have a life?

You heard me talking about away to not only pay the bills, but to be happy doing it. You heard how you were being added to get some money in your pocket, because if I could sell my crochet blankets online, so why wouldn’t I help you do the same. Hey, you can also make hats, and doll baby clothes etc…

No words came from you. You had nothing to say good or bad, but then you turn around acting like I don’t want to work. I am not trying and it hurts knowing they have such little faith in me.

UGH. I am done crying, because I know who I am and NO mortal man, woman, or child can do anything or say anything to take me out of the race of God. People may know my name, but they don’t know who I am. They can look at me and still not see the real “Lisa,” and I am okay with that.

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.                                       Hebrews 11:1 NLT

My eyes were open today at service today, because I realized I couldn’t do  a website and follow the rules like everyone else. I am not like everyone else and I will walk my own path and allow anyone to follow it.                       

An online magazine is where I will keep my more creative stuff as well as items I will  sell on my terms and keep my blog writing for more personal and hopefully uplifting thoughts and maybe something funny. (Smile)

With the sound of the gospel in the air I believe I will call it a day. I did keep my word this weekend. I worked on nothing but my crochet and it felt nice not looking at a computer screen. Then again, I do love the wonder of words….


Bye IV now, LD*

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