Dear James,

I am still amazed that I allowed you back into myspace and after being away for more than three months or longer. You act like you had never left at all. I knew I wasn’t going to get an apology, because you do not see that you can do no wrong.

The more I listen, the more you are still in your own world, and no one else matters. I find it a very sad state.You did your best to get me to talk like you, act like you, and even get upset all within ten minutes. 

I wonder if you were confused when no matter the outrageous thing you said to me. I didn’t give you the response that you were hoping for. I want to say, “the world has a lockdown – where one has to stay home,” but I am not sure so I can only talk about my country. And here in America we are supposed to stay home and be safe. (Now I like to know if it is a worldwide thing) google time.. Google just said this lockdown is world wide, so there’s a sad answer..

I believe one of the dumbest things I heard you say was, “You know if you drink strong alcohol you can’t get the virus and black flocks can’t get it either”. You even told me some drinks I should drink. One you know I don’t drink and I had to go. I could no longer even half listen to what you were saying.

Me   : Well, I have to say, “goodbye.”

You :   Why you don’t have anywhere to go.

Me   : It’s 7 o’clock and I like to eat my dinner.

You :  Oh what are you going to eat

Me   : Chicken

You :  I had that yesterday –

I had to cut you off, because I was no longer going to let you talk. You have always wanted to control how long we talked, what we talked about, or better yet what you wanted to talk about. I didn’t change my tone or my thoughts. I said goodbye and hung up. I must have surprised you, because you text me saying how nice it was to talk again. 

I didn’t respond to that, because it wouldn’t have stopped. I wondered if that surprised you as well. I was good at cutting you out of my life, because of your “ME” attitude among other things. Then as I was talking to another friend and realized I had made allowances  for her, so why not you? 

She knows who Jesus is and the Word. There are times when she isn’t as positive or letting too much reality in her  space. I do not understand and have tried to understand. Then again as she points out she is almost 70 years old and she isn’t going to change how she thinks or what she knows.

I do not agree and it’s cool, because I am me.  I am not going to change what I believe, how I feel, or how I act to get a friend. I lost myself to a point of not knowing I was, because I wanted to have  friends. It took me over thirty years to realize I am happy to just be me.

Someone asked me why I didn’t have a lot of friends? My question for them was, how do you have a personal contention to a large group and are these people really your friends? If you are going out and you are paying for things or always there to help from babysitting or just to listen to their bad day. If you need help, how many will come to your aid?

I do not need to be in a large group of people all looking bad judging you. I have a few friends who I know I can count on and some who I know I can just talk to on a light note and both are good. If you know what kind of friend they are and who they are to you, no feelings will be hurt, and all is good.

A few months ago when an older gentleman from my church crossed the line. I had wanted to talk to my friend “James,” but James was being James and I was done with that one sided friendship.  Then when I had a second thought. I opened the door again and nothing has changed. I was surprised this question “how are you” wasn’t asked first? 

I didn’t give you a second thought as I hung up, but I am now. I may have wanted a male point of view. You may be a male, but I need to talk to a real man and that isn’t you. I am not sure I did the right thing by opening your closed door was a good idea. 

I am going to stop thinking about you all together and as  I think about my coffee I am smiling. It’s time to get a cup of coffee and that is worth a Smile…..

Bye IV Now, LD*