4/1/202 ~ 10:18am

Today was the first day I kept my word to myself. I went outside and started my walk. I had a plan on where I was going, but I didn’t really know how long that would take. I may have lived in my area for almost a year, I still haven’t been totally around my new neighborhood, and I am going to change that a little at a time.

During this time of being away from others and not able to go to work. I am not moving much. When I was working and on my feet for more than six hours, I wanted a job sitting down, and now that I am sitting down a lot. I feel the need to move.

Five minutes into my walk I realized I didn’t have any workout clothes, so even if I did want to go to a gym, I had to go shopping first, and that will have to be put on hold until I get back to work.

 My goal was at least forty five minutes. I was only short by fifteen minutes. I am hoping it doesn’t rain, because I plan on going back out. I am going to push myself for that forty five minutes. I cannot be a better me just sitting around working on my crochet.

Time for a cup of coffee, because 12 o’clock will be here soon enough.

                             April 2nd, 2020 ~8:30am

I can’t believe I forgot to come back and finish my thoughts. Then again yesterday I was going from one project to another and trying to do it all. That doesn’t always work out. The rain stopped my second walk, but I did dance for thirty minutes. That was something and I enjoyed crocheting out on the patio until I picked up my blanket today.

I held up my blanket and it’s getting bigger as expected. I didn’t see my mistake at first, so I kept on working on it, but had to stop and really look at it. I looked at my pattern and at first glance I didn’t see it. It happens sometime when you are working with so many colors. I guess that is one of the reasons I usually only work with two or three. My rainbow blankets have nine colors and yesterday I got six rows wrong without noticing it. I took it out and I am redoing it now.  There was a time when I wouldn’t have even thought to take it out, but today is a new day.

I know if I ever work with this many color changes I will be getting paid starting at  a hundred dollars. Although a few people have told me I charge too much for my blankets. I look at them like they are crazy. I will not just be charging for the cost of the yarn, but for my time it took to go get the material, but for my time as well.

It takes anywhere from six weeks to three months to make a blanket. Then again it also depends on the size and amount of yarn that will be used for each project. It also depends on the style and my time. 

I am laughing, because one person (who does not crochet) said it should take more than two days to do a blanket. If you don’t know how to crochet, then how are you going to know how long it takes to make? I even was told how their grandmother or aunt had once done a full blanket in just a few days. I’m like that’s good for them. Now  my question is, “were they working outside of the house as well as going to the store to get supplies for the house? Was they working around the house from cleaning to cooking? Was they taking time to go to service or just spend some time with family and friends?” 

So one should never put me in someone else’s shoes, because we all have a life to live and our steps are not the same. You may think you know me, but no one really does. I do not know and I do not care to know your every step and that thought should be agreed on.

I have been in the house so long that I honestly didn’t know what day it was. I was enjoying working on my crochet as I watched TV or going out on the patio just to say I got some fresh air. I am grateful to see my project grow but since I made it a little too big and without a job I have no extra money to get more yarn. So, I am thinking about putting it aside, to prolong it as much as I can, but I am loving this project.

I do have other projects I could work on. I even started looking into working online. I love Pinterest and there are a lot of websites saying how much you can make and it starts off being free, but somewhere before the end it’s has a cost. It sounded like one that you didn’t have to pay, but you have to get others to buy something from you. I don’t like to be con and I am not going to do it to others.

What’s that saying, “Do to others as you wish done to you?” I know not everyone is honest or cares about others. It’s a little sad, but life goes on. I am going to be me and pray for others and just enjoy my life as best as I can.

Although I want to get my needle in my hand, as well as read more ideas on how to work online, I can feel a slight pain starting on the right side of my head. Not a problem a good cup of coffee will take that pain away. 

I actually want to talk (type) what I have learned and it also explained a lot of unanswered questions I had about blog writing. I am also second guessing about my writing, but then —

I am going to cut myself off and get my coffee. 

Bye IV Now LD*

Nothing like a hot shower to get one to stop thinking so much and calming down to start putting stuff in order. We are living in unknown times where your government is telling you to stay home or just your surrounding area (as long as it’s not a large group of people). If you are working at an essential job, (which I am not, so only working a week. I am told the store will be closed for 30 days and they will let me know when I can come back) and have to carry a note from your job saying you are a needed employee, otherwise you may go to jail. 

You can go to the grocery store or to the pharmacist to get your medication, but no other reason for you to be walking out in your hometown. I know this is better than being on house arrest, because we do get to go outside. It may be time limited as well as an area, but what can you do? Nothing, but follow directions.

Day 1: I did my hair. I just wish I could braid my hair in a nice design and as tight as I could do someone else’s hair. It doesn’t really matter, because where am I going? Nowhere in the physical world anyway. Good thing for the internet as well as a book or two.

Day 2: I finally took time to do my nails the whole nine yards meaning:

1. Hands soaked for 5 minutes in a fruity smelling soapy water.
2. Vitamin E applied to freshly cleaned and shaped nails.
3. Next came Sally Hansen clear hard as nails.
4. I didn’t realize I had so many different colors, because it took almost ten minutes to come up with a good combination of colors that I liked.
5. Two different main colors for my fingers  as well 2 different colors for the second coat.

I really wanted to call it a day after all of that and I was happy with my hands. Then I thought I still had my nail kit out. I might as well go to that next level and do my feet. The good side to soaking your feet is you can read and enjoy the hot soapy water.

I don’t know if I was told or it was read if your feet are, “happy” everything else in your body is “happy”? How true that is, I’m not sure, but I do know once I saw the purple nail polish on each toe it made me smile. 

Day 3: I recall seeing a lady wash her body with coffee grounds and thought that was something. I saw a big mess, but then it got me thinking. I have been meaning to give my face a good scrub, so why not try this:

• Cleaned face with dove soap.
• Leaving my face wet as I place cold coffee grounds on my face (not getting too close to my eyes.
• I also had cold tea bags for my eyes as well as a cold face mask.

I might have gone a little too far with the tea bags, because I wanted to lay down with my face art for twenty minutes. I only lasted ten minutes. I didn’t like the feel of the tea bags. They were dry after I used them to make iced tea with, but I raised them off with cold water. I’ll try it again, without raising it.

 I learned 2 more things about this coffer face mask. 1. It does leave your face smooth and smelling good. 2. Have lots of clean towels close by, because it is messy.

I did work on my cross stitch project. I am so over this project, not because it takes time, but it wasn’t my first choice. I messed the first one up and couldn’t find the blue back ground like I liked the first time around. I really hate changing the look of a project I saw in my head. I realized that is why it’s taking way too long and I can’t work when I am upset.

A good friend is going to have an angel and I couldn’t wait for her to tell me if she’s going to have a boy or a girl. I then realized I didn’t want to give her the ordinary baby colors. I also wanted this blanket to grow with the child, so why not make a rainbow blanket. I am really thinking outside of the box. It took me two days to find the right pattern and another day to find someone I could understand their directions.

On the third day I found a person who explained as she showed you how to do each stitch. The problem was I am an American and she was explaining it in two different names for each stitch. Example: What  I call a single stitch she called it a double stitch and so on. 

I just couldn’t follow her and she had the first pattern I liked in those two days of searching. I was frowning once again as I started over once again. I found two, and even though I picked one. I couldn’t get it out of my head that it wasn’t totally right. I went through YouTube one more time and I saw the same stitch in a different way and I liked part of that one best. 

I am making the body of my blanket in the second view, but the outline of it will be done in the first pattern I saw. I am so happy with my choice and even though I have NEVER worked with so many different colors before, it feels good.

I am calling this a rainbow blanket, but it’s from my point of view. It doesn’t really look like a rainbow. It’s cool, because sometimes being creative takes one outside of the box.

I wonder what the next twenty six days will look like? Oh, this is Day 4, with my writing, and it’s about time. I do have more I want to type out, but the sun is calling me. I will be on my patio working on my rainbow and doing what I do best? Crocheting of course…..

Bye IV Now, LD*

How many times do you look in the mirror and say, “Today I am going to eat right. Today  I am going to start working out again, because this body isn’t who I am?”

I can close my eyes and remember when there wasn’t so much of me to see.  I found a picture of myself at age 21 and that 135 pound young lady I do not want to be again. A size 12 I will Never aim to be. I looked at that person and I think she looked sick. I wasn’t, then I am a different person now, and I want to have a few extra pounds.

I am trying to recall when I started adding on a little extra weight? In my late twenties after I had my son and it was a  blessing in so many ways. I liked my size 14, but I should have kept up my workout routine. It wasn’t just baby fat that caused these extra pounds, but things that were going on in my life.

Depression is no joke and although I was taking care of my child, I stopped paying attention to myself, and I just couldn’t get totally out of it. I had to block out people and their sometimes rude remarks. It got to the point where I had to leave my job in order to stay out of jail. To this day they will never know how close I came to wanting to kill every last one of them.

It is easy to bake and enjoy a good soul food meal or two. When you are eating it seems to block out reality and all the pain you are going through. Every day you are smiling and laughing and no one cares enough to notice the lie? I somewhat turned my life around for my son, because I knew there will be one person who really cares?

And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
1 John 4:17 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/1jn.4.17.NLT

I realized that wasn’t enough. Someone asked if I would go to church with them, okay. I didn’t understand and couldn’t follow. I came back a few years later on and off before I got it. I didn’t realize holding onto past regrets, past hurtful words to and about you still hurts, and just being angry wasn’t helping.

The simple truth that helped me was “I had to Love myself and let go before I change could take place”. I will never be an angel, but the more I learn of Jesus. The more I learned of the person I can be.

I got up this morning knowing I don’t have to workout for hours and I enjoyed my first twenty minutes of scratching. I plan to walk for 30 minutes and slowly get back to the size I was meant to be. If you look at yourself and you don’t like what you see or what you are feeling. Talk it out with someone and if you don’t believe family or friends would understand. If you don’t have a pastor, you can always talk to a doctor. 

I know people think talking to a psychologist says they don’t need to, because they aren’t crazy.  It is sometimes easy to talk to someone outside of your circle and look at every angle. It’s still your choice who you choose to listen too. One has to listen to their own heart to truly be free.

I couldn’t believe I had to push myself through the last five minutes of dancing, well I turned it into a walk, but I was still moving. I found what helped me out of my depression and if anyone else is going through it or not knowing they are in it. This new age thang called, “Google search” may help give you an idea, but still find a live person to talk too.

I was enjoying my time on my patio until my neighbor came out with her cancer stick (even though this is supposed to be a smoke free apartment building) and loud TV. Yes, I may have my music on, but it’s not loud enough for anyone to hear unless you are walking past me. People are just people and they will act as if they own the world. I am not going to leave as I normally do. I will keep praying: No sickness or diseases will enter my body, because I am healed by Jesus blood.” if I was out and about and someone started coughing without covering their mouth I would say that aloud and “may people cover their mouth, because it’s rude and no one wants their germs. In Jesus name I pray.”  Sure they may have rolled their eyes at me, but if they couldn’t walk away { if on a bus or train} they would cover their mouth, and go about my business, and going about my business.

satan I will NEVER run from you or anyone that may be working through you. I will show respect and sooner or later. They will leave as they have done before. I had some extra yarn and I just started a new project and was going to sell it, but I just found out a friend of mine is having a baby girl. My blanket may not be a regular baby blanket, but it is made from loving hands. I think she will like it even more?

Bye IV Now, OLD*

I can’t believe I got sidetracked again, but at least it wasn’t for long. Then again I only half stepped to the side, because I have always liked designing.   I went to school to get information about becoming a visual merchandiser.

Today I am claiming I walked into my last interview. I have that job and I feel so good about it and I can’t wait to be organizing a store again.

 I came home with that in mind and had planned on enjoying my coffee on the patio, but I got caught up in watching an anime.

I wasn’t going to mess with my  “My Time,” and gather my latest crochet project along with my phone, because one needs to listen to some good gospel sounds as they enjoy their time.

I finally was able to see the birds in one of the trees closest to me, too bad they were too small that my camera could get them. I was able to get a picture of a robin gathering trig for her nest.

The rain had stopped, but the clouds are still hanging around. Although I was looking at the somewhat dark clouds the sun was still too bright for me to look at for more than a few seconds. A little towards my right the sky was a pretty blue with white clouds. How amazing is that? 

One can always see light through the darkness if one looks hard enough. I guess it all depends on what you are looking at. I have been out of work so long and I just shake my head at what people have been telling me and they are amazed that I wasn’t worried.

I asked them why would you focus on the darkness and not who you are? Do you not know who you are or what you are meant to do? I may not be where I want to be, but I am walking into the person I am going to one day be? I cannot be that person if I am  in the darkness, so I choose the light. 

I know how to get there and I am walking, no I am running towards that light. When I get there, I will reach back, and you had better be ready to step into your own light, and turn back to do the same.

Two hours later I am inside, still enjoying my sweet sounds of the gospel, as I write out my thoughts. Which is another enjoyment. I may not be the best at writing, crocheting, cross stitch or anything other then loving Jesus, my child, and a handful of others. Who says you have to be the best in order to do what you like?

If you are enjoying yourself and you are not hurting anyone, why not do it? Yet another question? A question only you can answer, because  you are the only one who can answer for you?

It may be 5 o’clock the sun is still out, I am going to work on my cross stitch for now.

Bye IV Now, LD*