Bathing in the sunshine as a Smile across my face. And, I cannot be ever so grateful that I am LOVED and I know where I stand. God is so GOOD.

There was a time when I would have looked up the perfect bible quote right here, but – (my mind stopped thinking about what I was going to say,  because now I want to add in something based on what I am feeling right now).

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.                                                  1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT.  https://bible.com/bible/116/1th.5.18.NLT

 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.                                                Psalms 139:14 NLT bible.com/bible/116/psa.139.14.NLT

If you were to look at me, you would think I am in trouble, because I am unemployed and no money coming in. The apartment that I am living with my family maybe lost, because it’s based on me having a job to pay the rent. Management says I have a little over 60 days to have a job.                             

People are looking at me like why aren’t you working as if it is easy to find a job when you don’t have a car to get to the jobs you are being offered or a piece of paper saying you can do the job that you have been doing for years.

Everyone has to put in their two cents. I have  family members who act like this is my fault, but they are watching me, listening to my words after one interview after the other, and know I am  trying to get out of this mess. (to get that job they think I should of had two months ago)

They are wondering why I am smiling and not feeling down and out. They have no idea of who I am and who I will be. My strength doesn’t come from a man made job, but the ability to see beyond that and come through with what I need to to live in this world on my terms. Yes, there was a time when I work paycheck to paycheck never getting ahead and at times falling back, because those same paychecks kept on getting smaller and smaller. When is enough  ENOUGH?

Here & Now is my time. I may only have 12 articles for my website, but that is still good. I am stepping out and believing in “ME” and I can careless if no one else feels the same.

You cannot take that step for me and I cannot take it for you. I am going to stand and keep on Smiling, because one day when those who didn’t see my Smile will.

I am getting ready to go back in time, because I am remembering part of a song from “TLC” as well as one from “Ms. Mary J. Blige”  something about your friends keeping the ones you came in with. (sorry I do not have time to look up those songs, but I got the artist name right and you can take that step in looking it up if you want)

I am now laughing, because I hadn’t planned on writing anything else today, but I am no longer going to stop a thought again.

 

Bye IV Now, LD*  

 

 

 

I had thought I was going to start writing about the book I was reading, but as I picked up my son’s laptop computer two thoughts came to me? One is it’s too early to being working and I realized I am not on a time table anymore, because I can write whenever I want. The one good thing about being unemployed. Although, I no longer consider myself unemployed, but self employed. Then again I am not getting paid yet, so I guess I am still unemployed? I guess it depends on how yo look at it. I am working on getting the bills paid as I enjoy my life as it should be. The world will not win this time.

I had to go into my email account to get to google documents and was about to overlook the 9000+ messages, but I decided to do the right thing. I had always thought I could be missing out on something important, but didn’t look through the chaos of words.

It took almost two hours to get things cleaned out and I was right. I saw a few messages that could have been my real job a few months ago. Should  or shouldn’t I go to my yahoo account. I am not looking too clean that one out either, but at least I don’t have to read anything in it. As much as I want to do that, right. I am going to enjoy my coffee before I get too hungry. I do not drink my coffee with my breakfast or any kind of food. My mother doesn’t understand, but I want to taste my coffee and mix it with anything else. I like both my food and coffee hot and one is going to get neglected and either one doesn’t taste good cold.

If I am drinking iced coffee, then I can, and have eaten food with it. There is nothing like a warm muffin with your favorite iced coffee to go with it. My mind is on coffee. I have no idea what I was talking or typing about and I have no need to go back and reread what I have already typed. So, I am going to end this right now. I am smiling, but I am “Happy.”

                 

                   Bye IV Now, LD*

Good~Afternoon James,

I hope you are well as I am. In one text you asked, “If I was still not talking to you”? I didn’t reply and I do apologize for sending a Christmas greeting, which maybe gave you thought we could continue to text or talk. I am not apologizing for the message, just a misunderstanding.

I do recall  sending another long text explaining how I need positive and uplifting people on my side. I know you have no idea how WORDS ARE POWERFUL  and even when I bring hurtful words to your attention you brush them aside like they are nothing.

I am working on a NEW me a BETTER me. I pray for you and your family, but we are not on the same walkway. I have just stepped out of my comfort zone and I just cannot handle anyone who isn’t on my side, because the world knows my name they come at me and full force and I have to be strong for that. I have God’s strength and a handful of people who I know will hold me up through the storm that is coming.

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

Ephesians 4:29 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/eph.4.29.NLT

 

I wish you well on your path and maybe one day we can start a new, because tomorrow isn’t written. To answer your question at this time we cannot talk or text and if one day you can truly understand what you have just read, maybe we could talk or text again. 

Take care                                                    An Old Friend, LD

 

I wasn’t going to post this, but since I actually got a reply? Your answer was that you wasn’t going to read it, how you have left others in 2019, but I still have a heart. I am praying this will end this, because I am not mad at you. I have just moved on…

Bye IV Now, LD

 

 

I went to sleep with an idea how I was going to boldly change my steps and move from trying to do things the normal way. That way isn’t working and it’s something I have known for years, and even though I talked about not being afraid? I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I was actually hiding that feeling and I am just bring it to light.

I did start off right, but I almost got side stepped. I was supposed to have been working on new thoughts, but I found a story from my past and thought to just retype, but I knew that wasn’t going to work as I began to type. The feelings I had a few years ago do not hold up to how I am feeling now. I may go back and update it, but that day isn’t today.

One of these days I am going to overlook these red marks until the very end, like I tell myself I am going to do every time I start typing, but that hasn’t happened yet. I find myself correcting myself at the end of each paragraph. I wonder if I am alone in doing this? 

I just remembered a time long ago when I had to actually use  typewriter and it didn’t easily correct my mistakes. So, I guess I am pleased in this time frame. I am so happy with this time frame not just because of the computers, but because I know I can be more than just a mother.

I am going to cut myself off, because those last five words you just red came from what I had written before and its far from what I had planned to type. That is the main reason why I cannot work on writing my second series of books, because I am still reading books from published authors. I have my story in my head, but until that need to stop everything and work on it, it will stay where it is.

I have been on this job hunt for months and nothing has come from it. I have a few ideas on how I can do it my way and I am going to prove to myself this weekend that I can do it and on Monday morning I will make a call and do just that.  

I will not clean out my IRA totally, but enough to get things started, because I don’t see any other way to keep a roof over my family’s head and food in their tummy. I had thought I would open an “Etsy or  Shopify” account, but then I realized something. Why am I going to pay another company to sell my crochet projects, when I can start my own website and do the same thing. 

Well, I got up prayed, played “Township” my favorite online game (another reason to be grateful for this time frame), got into the Word (Bible reading) I am studying the book of 1st Sam and Saul needs to change his feelings against David, because I don’t believe it’s going to be good for him.   

 

When Saul realized that the Lord was with David and how much his daughter Michal loved him, Saul became even more afraid of him, and he remained David’s enemy for the rest of his life.

1 Samuel 18:28‭-‬29 NLT  https://bible.com/bible/116/1sa.18.28-29.NLT

 

There was a time when I thought you had to spend hours reading the Bible. Then I realized one cannot read the Bible like any other book, because this book is like no other book. This book makes you think and one should really understand what one is reading. There have been times when I was reading my life and it blew my mind. 

 I love my bible app on my phone, because if I ever start feeling down or alone I know the Word can always make me smile. One of the best things about this app is that you can type how you are feeling and it will pull of scriptures on that and open your eyes to the wonders of the bible.

I am about to get started on writing articles for my new project. I will have a website full of creative ideas and I know I will not be making a lot of money, but if you look at things through money you will never get anywhere. I believe that is where I went wrong. 

Doing the right thing isn’t always the right thing, if your heart isn’t in what you are doing. It’s a New Year and a time for a New me. You know what they say, “you either stand and fight or you lie down and die,” and I choose LIFE… 

 

                 Bye IV now, LD

 

 

Time stop moving so fast

So many things to do

So many places to go

and the more I think about

Everything I need or want to do

My eyes close a second 

as I take a deep breath

and repeat what others have 

said before me

Time slow down, because

Today I am not feeling it

I still am thinking about

Last night dream and

Want to return to it

Oh well, one cannot

Stay in the house

And still

Set

Their

Dreams

Free

So, look out world

Here I come

Ready to

Fight

And WIN!

 

   Bye IV now, LD