I’ve heard, “Forgive and Forget” so many times and I’ve always thought it was easy to do.  I have done this or so I thought.                               

 I have forgive people and just wrote it  off as everyone isn’t a person with a caring heart and you just have to move past their personality.                         

Then there are others who you have known for years and they know you. You have had disagreements before and have forgiven or just let it pass.  They know how far to go and know or believe you will always forgive

I just realized writing a letter to a friend who isn’t really there? I haven’t forgiven at all.

And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their relatives, saying, ‘You should know the Lord .’ For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will know me already,” says the Lord . “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”
Jeremiah 31:34 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/jer.31.34.NLT

  Its FUNNY, because I was talking about the older gentlemen at my church and realized “James” also need to be forgiven as well as to be forgotten

I cannot move forward until I past these two so-called black men?  I am laughing, because I do believe My words are true now.

I am still going to follow through with my report, because I need help this from happening to someone else.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
Philippians 3:13 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/php.3.13.NLT

Time for a cup of tea..

Bye IV Now, LD*

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

  

  

                                    03/03/2020

 

 

Hey James,

    I now realized why I hadn’t blocked your number and was still reading your text. I was hoping that you just apologized, but I now accept that will never happen. I am a little sad for we have been friends for over thirty years and true I have only been saved for about twenty years. 

        In time I have noticed the change in you and we have always talked out one problem after another and I know you are mostly a one sided person and that is okay.

     Yet, we were able to keep finding things to talk about and offer helpful suggestions or just an ear to listen. I have never asked for anything other than that and that was cool.

      Times have changed and either you grow or you get left behind and I am moving forward. I guess it’s true what they say, “We all grow older, but some never learn as they grow.” I wonder why it took me so long to get that?

     This past Sunday before I could get into my church an older church member made me feel so low and out of place, I had to take a deep breath, and realized I am NOT the person I was years ago. His words, “So, when are we going to get together?” as he put his hand on my waste and “No, I have encouraged such action and didn’t appreciate it.” 

     I was going to let it go, but for some reason I cannot do it. I kept  thinking if he did this to me, he may have or will do it to someone else? It isn’t just his age (for his youngest child is in his forties and has great grand kids) for he is old enough to be my father. One would think he should know when and whom he can do that too and it wasn’t me.

     I was even considering letting go of the person I am today and bringing the New Yorker out, a person I never wanted to see again, and once again I realized  I am not going to let anyone change who I am today. One cannot move forward if they have to keep opening that closed door.

     I am strong and oh so much better then these fools. A person who I thought knew me, but I was wrong. Then again I changed into a better person and he is still that 18 year old and the older gentlemen who should know better.

      I am now laughing, because I am done letting people take my kindness as weakness. It’s 6:42am now I was going to end this here, but I told of two events in my life and I was only able to write out the outcome of one of those events. So, I guess I cannot end this until I speak to someone in the church office.

 

Until later, LD*

 

                        03/04/2020

 

 

I let the driver know and he said he would call me back and we could talk more about what happened. I knew it was early and people do have work, but that was yesterday and no response. I am going to be nice and give him to the end of the week. I will contact someone else in the church. I am not going to press charges, but I will not let anyone think they can treat me as if I am a female dog.

Well, I am going to redo my book to my liking. I know everyone wants details, but sometimes less is better. I am going to do it my way, because it’s who I am. I WILL do what I believe is the best thing for me.

I am now thinking why it is taking you so long in getting back with me. I told a few others and they said it’s more likely another male will take their side and brush this aside and now I am trying not to be on that page.

I am going to get into my own world and leave reality for an hour before I have to get ready to go to service. I pray he will not say anything to me, because I may not be as nice.

Bye IV now, LD*

 

                     3/7/2020

 

Dear James,

Oh how I actually miss talking to you and I am praying you are safe. When I heard Tennessee had a tornado touch ground I  REALLY wanted to call you and see if you and your family was okay, but I couldn’t figure out how to unblock your number. 

I can only pray you are safe. I wished you had just apologized, because after a church member overstepped the line and made me feel low. I really needed a friend, even if I know that friend isn’t as strong minded as I am.

I kept my word and moved to the back of the bus, and happily worked on my crochet. I am always relaxed when I see a project look like what I imagine how it would look like and it’s becoming  reality. It made my ride to service that much enjoyable. It all changed when I got off of the church bus an;

Older Gentleman    : “You are awfully quiet today?” 

(Me) Lisa                   :   “I didn’t want to be around hurtful words, so I moved away from those who felt they had to put someone down for whatever reason.”

Older Gentleman    : “Don’t let them get to you.”

(Me) Lisa                   : That’s why I moved to –

He cut me off by leaning into me and saying, “So when are we going to get together?” and placing his hand on my waist. I was so put off, but I looked out of the church window and saw my church, mumbled something and got off of the bus as fast as I could. 

I hate that one touch made me feel lower then dirt for a second. Why do men look at a female and see a dog and not a woman? I am so glad I know who I am and what I’m not.

The driver stopped me, by asking me about my job, I answered him and quickly ran inside of my church building. I closed my eyes to what had happened as a few smiling faces and welcome greetings was able to calm me down.

I told a friend, who gave me a ride home, and a few others. I agreed I should tell someone who works for the church. I let the driver know, and more than 48 hours have passed without a reply.

A Friend     : You know they aren’t going to do anything.

I didn’t want to believe those words, but they are starting to sound true. I am   sounding like a broken record, because I just about already wrote this…..

I didn’t post the first one, because I was waiting for an answer…. An Answer I Never got…. I am going to make a call to the church office on Monday morning and see what they say…..

I wonder what James would say about this?

 

Bye IV Now, LD*

 

  I kept on searching for the birds I was listening to too, looking out my bedroom window, and realized it’s such a nice day why am I inside. It didn’t take me long in gathering a few items to go out and enjoy the sun.

 

The sun may have been out, too bad it didn’t bring its heat, but it was still a good day to work outside. Had my gospel playing (others could hear it as well, but it wasn’t blasting) my crochet in hand, and a hood over my head.

I couldn’t find those birds from earlier, then again I didn’t realize kids were playing in the playground  across the street a block away until I was out on the patio. That didn’t faze me and every now and then I played the old lady and watched.

 

One day I am going to understand why the young don’t realize they can break a bone or two and it hurts. I prayed that they enjoyed their fun and returned home unharmed. I never paid attention to that until I had a child of my own and just wanted to tell everyone else to be careful I wonder if I am alone in thinking like that? My son tells me to stop worrying  about it, because I can’t do anything about it. True, but I will never stop praying for others even if they don’t know it.

 

I was truly enjoying my quiet time and sure enough here comes my noisy neighbor and I was ready to go back inside not because of the loud voice, but because of that cancer stick she was smoking. I do live in a smoke-free building, but people do what they want.

 

I was so happy when she went back into her apartment and I once enjoyed nature’s song along with my music. That was short lived, because my young neighbor on my right side decided she wanted to have a loud agreement with her friend and now and days one don’t stop and look – one move away and don’t look back. (Unless it was my child – then they may run, because  no one wants to see this lioness get loud)

 

Although my time was cut short. I still  say I enjoyed my time I was out on my patio. I’m going to have to get me an outdoor table one day, because that blue plastic tub isn’t really working. 

 

I didn’t have a clear picture of what I wanted my patio to look like, but I am getting close. I don’t want a lot of stuff, because it will look junky and who wants that look? I really should hurry up, because the prices will be going up. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this at the end of last summer, when everything went on sale, but it’s way too late for the how comes?

 

The sun is getting lighter and I haven’t yet gotten anything to eat and I know I cannot have a cup of coffee without eating first, so I am going to end this here, and can’t wait to see what I will think to write or type tomorrow.

 

Bye IV Now, LD*

 

I decided I wasn’t going to work on my last last book and just write for me. I am smiling trying to overcome the eel feeling I have for this book. I have been told countless times to leave it alone, but I am not feeling it.

 

I have cut a lot, but not enough. I will not give up on it. These books were written when I didn’t know Jesus, heard of Him, but wasn’t trying to be like him. 

 

I did realize that is why I have a publisher and will ask her and let her decide. I will suggest that two of the three books be cut and added together and that would make me happy.

 

My fingers are already to get to typing the next and best series of books. That is the only reason I agreed to go over this one, because one cannot move from one to four without having two and three come in between.

 

I have a lot more to say, but as I turned to my window and noticed the sun is already shining bright and I have yet to enjoy my coffee. I just remembered I am down to two bags and will not be able to go to the store to get any more.

I have only found this coffee in one retail store. This is a store where I used to work at and although I don’t work there anymore. I was told I could come back, but that never happened.

 

I also decided if I wasn’t good enough to work for them, my money isn’t good enough to support them. A sad thought to never enjoying my coffee again. Then I just had to laugh, because I now live in a time where one can find and buy anything online.

 

On my job hunt I came across another retail store close to the one I worked at that had close to the same items, cost a little more, but my money will go there.

 

IT’S COFFEE TIME….   

 

Bye IV now, LD*

 

Dear James,

 

I thought you finally gotten it through your head that I am done talking to you. I was wrong, but once again I got in touch with you and actually spelled it out to you. I even told you how you could better yourself, by getting into the Word, and maybe then we could start talking again.

I knew you were never going to read the Bible. You refer to it as just a book and with that it mind. You will always remain where you are and that is your choice. You complain and complain how things are always going wrong, but you don’t want to change try and make it better. 

You never could understand how I could be positive when you know I am walking through rough times. I can make a list of things you talked about as well as the things I am going through.

1.  I didn’t have a job, but my bills were paid  and food was on the table.

You: You have a good paying job, but since you are not managing your money and giving it to everyone who is in need. You don’t have what you need to truly take care of your bills. 

2. I never stopped looking for the right job and not just a job. It may have taken me over two months, but I am now working Monday through Friday 7am to 3pm and every other Saturday. This means I will never miss a day or night of service and still have enough time to go back to school and work on my craft. I know what you have said about my writing (posting stories on my blog or working on my book) and making blankets (that no one wants to buy). True you apologized and said you were only joking. People say what they mean  and it’s not always a joke.

You: There are other things you can do in your company. You have talked about moving to another area, but it will change your hours  and it will get you away from stressful people, but you don’t want to change. You say you aren’t running from anyone, but yet you let them get to you every day. You leave with a headache and upset you can barely get home without getting into an ancient.  (I left a good job, because I am worth more then what they was putting me through). Too bad you don’t know yourself worth?

3.  I have had a dream since I was young and I am walking out that dream. I enjoy writing and being creative and I know one day I will be able to live off my dream. Those who put in their time, their heart, and hard work will see their dreams become reality. I don’t always have to be big enough for the world to see and enjoy. If you catch the eyes of a few (as of 02/09/2020 I have 10 people following my page and I am so grateful and blessed) and who knows how many will follow in the days to come?

 You: You have never wanted anything other than getting a car and your own place and last I check you didn’t have either.

Wow, with these three different points of views is it any wonder why I am no longer talking to you. I cannot keep telling you things will be alright, when I know that’s a lie. One has to change to make things right. 

This sending me a text asking how I am doing a signing it, “with love” is something we haven’t done in the past, so why would you do that now? Then again why would you text me using a different females name, thinking I was going to text you back. 

I have told you  I need people who are encouraging and uplifting in my life. They are working on a dream or just want to live the best life they can. One has to change to do that. You are none of those things. I really pray you get it in your head to stop with the text and if you call my phone I will press charges on you. (I do recall you said jail wasn’t fun)

You even suggested I should change my number if I didn’t want you to text me anymore? Yet, you know I was looking for a job and may have cut my chances off in getting a job, if I had done what you thought I should do. Why should I change my world when you should just get  life? 

I read your text, just so that I can laugh, but sooner or later this will NO LONGER be funny. I have moved on and I don’t understand why you hadn’t done the same?

 

Bye IV now, LD