Three hours I cannot get back. I still can’t believe I actually spent a little over three hours going over the right laptop I needed to upgrade, because I am going to get my own website.

I found an online class and I am going by what it needs and I am still at a “WOW” from the prices I saw. The cheapest was $350.00 and the best was over two thousand.  I say one day I will be able to afford the best, but now I need the second best.

There were a few that I could get and the reviews said they were okay, but am I an okay person? I say, “I am beyond okay,” so I will save like crazy to get that second best computer, but the next classes start on July 15, 2020. It is a six weeks course.

I don’t know if I can do it. Let me take those words back. I CAN and WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND and PASS THIS CLASS ONLINE. Sometimes we need to scream at ourselves to not back out before we get started. I am the only one who can stop myself from following my dream and I am NOT about to do that.

Let me see, I have 29 days to save, and to write at least fifteen articles for my website. I also decided to start making videos of me crocheting. Well, it won’t be a how to video, but a different look into my craft.

I already have an idea of what I want my first video to be about, but that will not happen until I get my rainbow done. I did work on it for maybe four hours today. I still need  little (a lot) more work on it.

• 

I have been meaning to add more color to my room, but when you are renting. You have to stop and think “Am I going to get my deposit back,” so you have forgotten to dress up your room. I believe I have come up with away that will allow me to add some color to my room and leave it unharmed when I leave.

I know I have to set my dreams free in order for me to own my own and not just rent. There was a time when I didn’t want that, but as I am getting older. I need my own place and not just because I want a cat.

I don’t know how, but this will be my last year here. I haven’t had a cat in over twenty years, since I came to this +++++ place. Although I have come to like a few things about NC, but every place I’ve lived in I wasn’t able to afford a cat.  

I don’t have too many friends, because I don’t do what others do. I no longer go to the clubs or hang out at the bars. I don’t smoke or do drugs. I have been called a church girl who doesn’t have a life, so the few who once called me  friend aren’t here anymore.

If I felt like doing my hair, I would take a picture of my Big SMILE, but I don’t have much time. I need to keep my word and finish my article. I am coming September 1st, 2020 will be the day I set up my website. I cannot wait, but even the best cake cannot be rushed. A cake will be done when it’s done and not a second before. Trust me when I say an undercooked cake is not a cake to be eaten. 

Bye IV Now, LD*

(605 word count)

                                                                                                                 6/5/2020 ~ 4:33pm

I can’t believe I have to go back on my own words. I knew I needed another job, but standing for five hours had me rethinking that thought. Then out of the blue another job opened its doors and I said, “yes,” before I could even blink.

At least at the retail job I have to wear a mask, although it is uncomfortable, at least I’m safe from another person’s  germs. I agreed to work at a new restaurant without asking that question. I am praying they are also requiring we wear a mask as well.

All I want to do is not work at all, but one cannot do that. I should say, “All I want to do is get back on working on setting my dreams free,” and I will not give that up. I need to get out an ink pen or two along with some paper and work out a plan.

Someone once asked why do I still use pen and paper when a computer does the same thing only faster? I agree to a point. When I have a pen in my hand as I am writing I am not correcting and I can stay focused on being creative or writing out a plan.

This time I will put my list on a wall where I will see it every day. It will not stay in a book to be forgotten. It is true what they say about not being in sight – things get put aside until it’s forgotten. 

I know I am not able to travel right now, but I would love to do that one day. I will never be able to do much of anything working paycheck to paycheck once again. So, it’s time to step up and step out of my normal routine.

I know it’s easier said than done, because I know what I have to do and I have lost count on the times I got side stepped. It’s no wonder it’s easier to let fear get into your mind and we stop following through with what was on our hearts to do? 

I just looked up and realized my Bible is across the room and that made me smile. I am not smiling, because it is across the room. I am smiling, because whatever you are going through, I know there will be some encouraging words to push you to your next step in The Bible.

 

Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2 Corinthians 1:4 KJV

https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.1.4.KJV

 

That’s more of what’s going on now, more than what I am feeling right now, but it is still a good thought.

My mind says I need to add on a lot more, but I am wasting sunlight. I need to get back to my blue rainbow project. I decided to redo it, because I overlooked the same problem I had before.

I started to continue, but then I would lose money. I am working smarter. It may have taken a moment, but I am here.

I know this is way too short, so I will hold onto it, and hopefully come back tomorrow. I am so hungry, but I already had some yogurt. Think I’ll grab an apple until dinner time. This not eating, well eating less is  no way near fun..

 

                                 Sat’ 6/6/2020 ~ 3:48pm

I awoke with a totally different plan than what I wanted to do yesterday.  I was letting my bank account talk for me and overlooking the pain I am going through now. I had to start asking what’s more important, pushing myself closer to the grave or trying hard to stay out of it?

I put in a request to see if they will allow me to work one day. They may or may not agree to it and either way. I am good. So far they have not given me a response and I am still good.

I am also going to give my brother one more week to keep his word, because I know once I get my website up I will bring in a few extra dollars. I am not looking to pay for road trips, or anything fancy. I am hoping – No, I will make enough to pay for healthcare, food, and maybe enough to go to the movies once in a while.

I also know I need to work on my blue rainbow project, but my heart just isn’t into it. Oh that is another thing I am going to do whether I like it or not. I will give my friend her one of a kind gift for her first baby. 

I would love to work outside on the patio, but the heat coming from the sun has me thinking that is out of the question. There isn’t anything on TV to catch my attention. It’s a good thing for DVDs Oh wow I just remembered tubitv.com so I think I’ll go there instead…

 

                               Tues 6/9/2020 ~ 6:41am

I kept on thinking I forgot something as I was doing so many things at one time and then I remembered, I didn’t post this, and that wasn’t good. I was going to post what I had, but once again a thought came to mind. And as much as I want to say more, I have an hour to eat and get ready for work. 

So once again I am going to put this thought aside and come back when once again my time is my time. The work day had to come back into reality.

(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV

https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.5.7.KJV

I couldn’t get that thought “walk by faith & not by sight,” after I read:

Once again David inquired of the Lord , and the Lord answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.”

1 Samuel 23:4 NIV

https://1samuel.bible/1-samuel-23-4

 

Why must we second guess the Word and then once again I realized “fear” is not just a word.

                                                     7:53pm

The good thing about working retail is, someone will always call out or need to change a day. I got an extra work day tomorrow. I have finally cooled off (a lukewarm shower does help get that started) and a half a bottle of water added that statement. 

I also realized I must be dehydrated, because I couldn’t get enough water. It actually tasted good and I wanted another bottle. I guess I should have done that, but my mind was yelling, “NO!” 

One could get full on water and if I don’t eat dinner I know I will be up at 3am hungry, I thought I finish my thought from this morning and then settle down and get something to eat.

I am going to try NOT get any of that chocolate cake my mother brought home. I am working hard on being a better me and that would be at least 85lbs less, so no cake for me.

I am smiling, because I see in the bottom left corner of my screen I am over the 1,000 word count mark…..

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1245 Word Count)

Today is June 1st, 2020 not only the first day of the month, but a start of a new day. I along with the world are in some trying times. I don’t care what anyone says. I am going to keep praying for family, friends, and every life on this earth.

I am not going to say, “One” race is better, because we are all human. I could say more, but I am not going to go beyond that.

I started my first “blog review,” it’s like a book review, but am reading blogs and not books. I want to promote anything about the art of crochet as much as I can. It doesn’t always have to be about making money.

I have no intention of teaching,(at least not right now)so reading is just as good. Books are great, but blogs are a little more personal. Who doesn’t like reading a short story or two? I will add in a book or two, if I find one that holds my attention.

I will read a few more and drop down a note or two. I am getting closer and closer to getting my website free. I did realize I need to get back to writing, because now that I have gone back to working in the real world. I am not going to have much more free time.

My words are all running together and all I want to do is work on my “boy” rainbow blanket. This one is also way too big. I should have taken it out, before I got past the third row, but Like before. 

I didn’t want to stop and redo stitches all over gain. Then I got to thinking, rainbows are big anyway, and why not keep on going? My pink rainbow is just about the size of a twin size bed or a small loveseat. I am not sure how big this blue rainbow blanket will be. Time will tell how big this blanket will be in the end.

I also realized I need to do a little more research. I also want to post about cross stitch. I enjoy this long and forgotten task. I am hoping I don’t have to go online to actually buy a book, but still be able to read more on cross stitch online. 

Tired eyes want to close. How is it my body wants to rest, when all I want to do is work, and your mind is being overloaded with everything.

It’s time to make a list and do them all. A little goes a long way to setting your dreams free. One will always be surprised at what they can do if they just stop thinking and start doing.

My thought for today is just that: “STOP thinking what you cannot do, DO what you can, and PLAN for what you cannot do today.” If that means you have to go back to school, or even just learn from going to the library.

We can always learn, because there has always been someone willing to teach what they know. If there is a question, there is an answer, and we have to fight to get that answer. I guess it all depends on if you really want an answer? I have answered my question and it’s time to get back to work. I am Smiling, because I am HAPPY!!!!

Bye IV Now, LD*                                      (575 word count)

 

Some may say dreams are just dreams, but dreams can become reality.    I have always enjoyed writing so I write. I started just writing poems and funny short stories. I was having fun. I knew they weren’t perfect, I hadn’t gotten past the fun side of words, and that was okay for me. I made the mistake in allowing others into my space and with their laughter  and few negative words from people who I thought care. 

I lost a part of myself and it took over twenty years to get back to the person I once was and then some. I got back into writing as a part to yell without sound and create a world where I could be free of reality. I wasn’t writing for fun anymore, but once I was able to truly calm down.

I realized I was once again writing as well as taking pictures. I started recalling dreams of the past and wondering how I could hold onto this feeling for the rest of my life? The answer was simple: I just have to be me.

I didn’t realize I had just put off on a project I have been wanting to do for a few months now. I kept on reminding myself that my brother is working on my website for me, and I can just wait until he is done with it. I had an idea of what I wanted and how it’s going to go about making it a reality. 

I have a few short stories already lined up and a number of other plans. It really doesn’t matter how much you plan or imagine how a project will turn out. If that project isn’t real, it is just a dream, and it cannot be free.

You start thinking:

1. Is this a good idea?
2. I don’t have any idea on how to do this?
3. I should just let this be a dream.

If you start letting in the “DOUBTS” and “what if’s” talk to you as you allow your so called friends did years ago. Then I guess your dreams will just be dreams. 

 I am choosing to stop thinking of things that I have no control of and move forward. I am the only one who can stop me. I know who I am and above the words “I CAN’T”.

I have also stopped trying to change my look. I have natural curly hair and spent years trying to change that. I had stopped with the perms, too much work, and my hair was coming out. I pulled my hair back or pressed it out. No more. 

If I can step up and step out of fear in setting my dreams free. I can accept my hair as it is. I am going to read more about working on Pinterest and come back to my short story on my blog.

I am laughing, because someone told me I wasn’t really working on a blog, because my stories aren’t long and I am NOT sticking to one subject. I could only laugh at them, because they do not even have a blog. I was polite and said, “I am me and that’s all I can be. Who wants to act like someone else? Feel free to play, follow the leader and enjoy your game”.

It’s May 29th at 3:23pm still light outside, so with one side step I am going to get some info on how to set my dream free myself, and stop waiting for someone else to do it for me. Then I will work on my second rainbow project. I will return on Monday and continue this thought. If I didn’t have to work this weekend, but the real world had to come back sooner or later and it’s my time to be back in it……

(4:38pm) I am all Smiles, because I already knew the answer to my question. I know I am an honest person and therefore I can only promote items that I knew were good. I may not have a website, but who knows if you really need to have one? Well, I sent that question to Yarnspirations, and they are the only ones who can say “yes” or “no”.

I am closing my book and will be picking up my “boy” rainbow project and crochet throughout the night. I may have been reading from the computer, and I know I could just type in my personal notes. I still shake my head at that. I will never get tired of the feel of an ink pen in my hand writing down a thought or something personal. 

I wish I could remember what book I read about a young lady who was an anthropologist, (a person who studies history) and she changed the color of her ink as she took notes.  I actually started my church notes doing that and it made it easy to go back and look something up. 

The book I use for my church notes would look like this:

 

• Sunday Morning service notes are – Pink with purple if I had to underline something I felt was important.
• Sunday Bible study notes are – Red with a light blue ink to underline anything I wanted to stand out.
• Wednesday midweek service is – Dark blue with pink to use for my important thoughts I wanted to underline.

I also learned to bring extra pens, because a person or two has asked to borrow a pen. I smiled and handed one over, but that threw my color guide off. In my mind I was yelling “NO,” but that only happened once. I now carry a few black ink pens in my bag. I will NOT use that ink. 

Writing in black ink always makes me think about one teacher who wouldn’t accept any work unless it was in black ink and I don’t want to be remembering her while I am writing. It wasn’t until the end of my last year of that school when she told everyone it was a joke, she just wanted everyone’s papers to be alike. I still don’t think that was funny.

 

Bye IV Now, LD*                                    (1026 Word count)