Sometimes it’s hard to know if you are doing your job as a parent right. There’s no one to tell you “good job” or “you did good’ or “that looks nice”. Then again that statement may not be the total truth?

In time your child or children will tell just how well you did. I read to my child every night and continue to read to him until he was able to read for himself. I didn’t stop reading with him when he was say six years old, but encouraged him to read the book with me.

We turned those times into a game where we act out the words we were reading or when I would say, “What do you think will happen if?” He would think about what he wanted to say and we have a whole new story time game. I did ask questions like, “What happened to a character that was in that book?” That made him start thinking again and made bedtime more fun.

It wasn’t until ten years later that I had wished I had taped those story time games. He also told me he was glad we were always reading, not just at bedtime, because it helped him remember things he had to read when he was in school. 

He noticed a lot of friends were having trouble and it wasn’t until years later that he realized how I kept on asking questions about what was already read, how he had to not only think about who or what he already read, but answer the questions that were asked.

I had noticed my son remembered a lot more if he wasn’t focusing just on one thing. I never understood how he could multitask at an early age, but whatever worked.

He also learned what I already knew. Sometimes it’s best to go  slow and just adjust your time if need be. He got a little upset after he broke his dvd and we weren’t able to watch the anime show.

We both were a little hurt for too different reasons, but we both knew it wasn’t each other that those bad feelings were being felt. In time he was able to calm down, as sometimes one has to stop and breathe.

We were able to watch the last two shows later on that night. The next day we finished another set and now I believe we have one last season to finish the anime series “The Last Airbender.”

I surprised myself by reading an anime book (and at this moment I cannot recall the name and don’t feel like getting up to go get it, to write it down) at work. A coworker couldn’t believe it either. She is about my son’s age in her early twenties. We spoke of shows we liked and didn’t like. 

“I wish you were like my mother,” she said. I just laughed and it was the first time since I started working that I enjoyed talking to someone. I enjoy anime and it felt good talking about it other than with my son.

I want to go for a walk and I don’t want to go. I think I will try working out on this exercise bike for thirty minutes and that will be a start to me getting to be a better me.

I finally got myself a table for the patio and I can’t wait to get out there and work on my rainbow project. I decided I need to start making videos, because I am getting closer and closer to getting my website up and running.

Anyway, one thing at a time. Working out for thirty minutes, giving the patio a make-over, taping part of me working on my project, and all before I get my morning coffee. 

The ladies of The Real will be on in almost three hours, so I am going to end this here. I may or may not come back today. Only time will tell.

10:22am

I could only sit out on the patio for 30mins, because the heat was overpowering the shade I was sitting in. I did make my video and I still don’t know how others do it. I knew I had to step out of what I am comfortable doing, because there is NO FEAR WITHIN ME!

The more I talk in front of the camera, I will be able to open up, and truly be me. Who knows one day I will be able to be myself in front of the camera and teach others what I LOVE doing. 

If you don’t try, then how will you know what you can or cannot do?

I’ve been telling my son that for years and today I am doing just that.

My patio is starting to look like the picture I have in my head. An outdoor rug is my next thing I am on the hunt for. I saw one in Marshalls a few weeks ago, but I didn’t really like it. There was a time I would have just gotten it, but today is a new day. No more half done or it’s okay for me. If it’s not right, then it’s not me, and I am okay with that.

It is now 10:38am and by the time I get pictures and a video (even though I did 3 or 4) ready to be posted. It will be coffee time….

Bye IV Now, LD*

(911 word count)

I am stepping out on faith and knowing I can do better. Once again I wasted my day waiting for someone to help me. I knew he had a mind for business and the world of computers, so why not get his help.

The problem with asking for people’s help, you put your trust in them, and they can let you down. Although it wasn’t a loud response when I questioned if he forgot to send the information to me, it was an eye opener.

I did get a word that was supposed to help me and that word was e-commerce. I have only started  with my search, but this past hour and twenty five minutes has my eyes open.

Yesterday, I spent most of my day going back and forth from one game to another and crocheting in between the fun. I was enjoying my day, but it should have been spent on improving myself.

Today is another day to smile, another day to be a better me, and another day to do what I have to do. I also have to get up and out for at least thirty minutes. Time for a walk. Although, I would rather eat and get back to my studying. I am not going to take the lazy way out. It’s 8:03am now……

I surprised myself by pushing my walk an extra walk around the block and up the hill when all I wanted to do was get back to my bed.

I knew I was doing too much when I started sweating, but I kept on walking. When I finally got back to my apartment and my eyes opened wide when I read 8:55. I couldn’t believe I walked 45mins.

I will leave earlier and bring a bottle of water next time. I wonder if I could walk farther?

That simi hot shower was welcomed and it’s time to eat and go back to my studies. I will know all there is to know about ecommerce today.

12:15pm

Time seemed to move very fast as I washed the ladies from The Real as I drank my coffee. I have been surprising myself all morning. This time I didn’t get that last cup of coffee. I didn’t have the urge to drink the last drop.  That totally isn’t me, because I LOVE my coffee.

• 

At the corner of my right eye I can see my rainbow crochet project and as much as I want to work on it. I know I have two more points to understand what the word ecommerce has to do with my next stage in my life. So, this will be a short side step as I get back to what I have to do, and with the sound of gospel in the air. I can focus on this step towards a better me ..

2:52pm….

My mind is screaming too much information coming in all at the same time. From the differences from a blog and a website. How to make money on both to WooCommerce. Here is where I started getting my questions then answers.

The more I read about WooCommerce I wasn’t liking the end of that word. I like to check BBB.org and my eyes are open and my mind is screaming what to do?

I did learn all four parts of what ecommerce is and how it works. I did what I set out to do. I was going to end it there, and spend some time with my son. We were going to watch our favorite anime, (Avator) but the DVD broke and he got upset. 

The old me would have suggested something else, but this new me. I was looking and listening with my eyes and not my heart. I just said okay, and came back to my room. Yes, I was a little hurt, but it’s okay. (I know he still Loves me)…..

I know he isn’t looking at a time to spend with mommy, but another day. My mother no longer wants to spend time or do anything with me, but I know she cares.

I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. There may not be a tomorrow and I want him to recall me spending as much time with him as possible.

Oh well, I had another question. What was the difference between a blog and a website? Google actually wasn’t much help with this question. Then again, maybe I could have reworded it, but it doesn’t matter.

I came across, “Blog vs. Website – which one should you choose? (which is better and why)” by Karol K.  a contributor writer from websitesetup.org

I know this shouldn’t be a wow moment, but it was. A blog is a website. I don’t know why I never thought of my blog being a website. I wonder if I am the only person who didn’t know that? It’s okay to laugh, because I am.

There were a few things I already knew about affiliate, but I never thought about selling ebooks on your page. That was something else that was learned.

The word woocommerce came up and the more I looked into it. The more my mind was screaming. It’s been a little over three hours since I started with these Q & A. I believe I put in enough studying for today. I would like to keep going, but knowledge can not be forced. Tomorrow is another day and who knows I may even have more questions I want to know, instead of just adding on to the ones I have now?

I need to cool down and relax anyway.  There is an old saying, “about all work and no play, is not fun?” I may be a little off, but I did say it was an old saying.

It is time to work on my rainbow project and call it a day. Well, for writing anyway, because the sun is still out and I am not going to sleep.

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1002 word count)

 

I surprised myself as I watched a father tie his son’s shoes through the glass window (I was in the entrance of the store greeting customers and offering clean shopping carts as they came into the store). I still don’t understand why this brought me so much joy. I was at work, but I felt the urge to pray for him

I didn’t blink as I waved my hand to get his action and he came outside and I asked if I could pray for him and his family. I wanted to say something big, but the words were all pulling together and it was hard for me to calm down and give  strong prayer.

I took a breath and prayed with my heart and the smile I got in return made my stumble of words all the better. There were people coming, but I barely saw them until I was done with my prayer.

We are living in a time where people are not judged for the person they are, but for the color of their skin. I didn’t just see a strong black man helping his son, but a man helping his son. I wanted them to be safe. I wanted the little boy to grow and follow his dreams. I wanted this family to love and enjoy their life. I hope my prayer came through with that message.

  I just smiled as I watched them go through the door once his wife was done shopping. I continued on with the story that has been playing in my head. 

Something told me to look back into the store and I didn’t realize three co-workers were just standing there watching me as if I had two heads.  They weren’t fazing me, because my heart was clear.

That feeling  didn’t last when three guys, who looked like they were coming from work, came in talking friendly, but when these three black guys walked out of the store with boxes of shoes they didn’t pay for.

People like that make me pray a little harder. I don’t understand how anyone can do wrong. If you  are able to comprehend right from wrong, why would you choose to do wrong?

I go to work in pain every day and  I am barely able to walk home. I work a job where I can barely pay my bills, but I am working. I am grateful for the chance to survive and grow. I am also working on doing better.

We live in an age where we can set our dreams free if we just put in a little effort to make them reality. I may not be as good in English as I should be, calling myself a writer, but I am NOT GOING TO STOP DOING WHAT I LOVE TO DO. I Love the wonders of words

Those who laughed at me are those who don’t have a dream. They like to take what others have and if you let their doubting words stop you. Then they would have won and you lost the battle before it started. The best thing you can do is live your life the best you can and pray for safely  around you and yours so no evil can come your way.  

People are people and we should just learn to accept each other as a person. My mind is now low, because I am starting to think about coffee. It is a little windy outside and a cup of hot hot would be enjoyed on the patio, but I don’t know if I can wait another hour.

My girls, the ladies of “The Real” are coming on in 30 mins and I am not going to miss them when I am able to enjoy their show. I missed my dvr. Oh well they will always be in my heart.

I was going to continue to write, but my words are suddenly leaving me. I don’t know about anyone else, but it is hard to stay focused. I did work on my rainbow blanket as I watched “Fairy Tail” another anime. 

I am thinking about putting that story I have been thinking about while I was at work. I can do that on the patio and enjoy my coffee with the ladies of  “The Real.”  Now that I have a clear plan I can’t wait to get to work on it.

It does help to talk or type out a thought, because you never know when an idea will come to life. Don’t overlook something small, because it could turn into something big.

Bye IV Now, LD*

(751 word count)

Three hours I cannot get back. I still can’t believe I actually spent a little over three hours going over the right laptop I needed to upgrade, because I am going to get my own website.

I found an online class and I am going by what it needs and I am still at a “WOW” from the prices I saw. The cheapest was $350.00 and the best was over two thousand.  I say one day I will be able to afford the best, but now I need the second best.

There were a few that I could get and the reviews said they were okay, but am I an okay person? I say, “I am beyond okay,” so I will save like crazy to get that second best computer, but the next classes start on July 15, 2020. It is a six weeks course.

I don’t know if I can do it. Let me take those words back. I CAN and WILL BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND and PASS THIS CLASS ONLINE. Sometimes we need to scream at ourselves to not back out before we get started. I am the only one who can stop myself from following my dream and I am NOT about to do that.

Let me see, I have 29 days to save, and to write at least fifteen articles for my website. I also decided to start making videos of me crocheting. Well, it won’t be a how to video, but a different look into my craft.

I already have an idea of what I want my first video to be about, but that will not happen until I get my rainbow done. I did work on it for maybe four hours today. I still need  little (a lot) more work on it.

• 

I have been meaning to add more color to my room, but when you are renting. You have to stop and think “Am I going to get my deposit back,” so you have forgotten to dress up your room. I believe I have come up with away that will allow me to add some color to my room and leave it unharmed when I leave.

I know I have to set my dreams free in order for me to own my own and not just rent. There was a time when I didn’t want that, but as I am getting older. I need my own place and not just because I want a cat.

I don’t know how, but this will be my last year here. I haven’t had a cat in over twenty years, since I came to this +++++ place. Although I have come to like a few things about NC, but every place I’ve lived in I wasn’t able to afford a cat.  

I don’t have too many friends, because I don’t do what others do. I no longer go to the clubs or hang out at the bars. I don’t smoke or do drugs. I have been called a church girl who doesn’t have a life, so the few who once called me  friend aren’t here anymore.

If I felt like doing my hair, I would take a picture of my Big SMILE, but I don’t have much time. I need to keep my word and finish my article. I am coming September 1st, 2020 will be the day I set up my website. I cannot wait, but even the best cake cannot be rushed. A cake will be done when it’s done and not a second before. Trust me when I say an undercooked cake is not a cake to be eaten. 

Bye IV Now, LD*

(605 word count)

                                                                                                                 6/5/2020 ~ 4:33pm

I can’t believe I have to go back on my own words. I knew I needed another job, but standing for five hours had me rethinking that thought. Then out of the blue another job opened its doors and I said, “yes,” before I could even blink.

At least at the retail job I have to wear a mask, although it is uncomfortable, at least I’m safe from another person’s  germs. I agreed to work at a new restaurant without asking that question. I am praying they are also requiring we wear a mask as well.

All I want to do is not work at all, but one cannot do that. I should say, “All I want to do is get back on working on setting my dreams free,” and I will not give that up. I need to get out an ink pen or two along with some paper and work out a plan.

Someone once asked why do I still use pen and paper when a computer does the same thing only faster? I agree to a point. When I have a pen in my hand as I am writing I am not correcting and I can stay focused on being creative or writing out a plan.

This time I will put my list on a wall where I will see it every day. It will not stay in a book to be forgotten. It is true what they say about not being in sight – things get put aside until it’s forgotten. 

I know I am not able to travel right now, but I would love to do that one day. I will never be able to do much of anything working paycheck to paycheck once again. So, it’s time to step up and step out of my normal routine.

I know it’s easier said than done, because I know what I have to do and I have lost count on the times I got side stepped. It’s no wonder it’s easier to let fear get into your mind and we stop following through with what was on our hearts to do? 

I just looked up and realized my Bible is across the room and that made me smile. I am not smiling, because it is across the room. I am smiling, because whatever you are going through, I know there will be some encouraging words to push you to your next step in The Bible.

 

Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2 Corinthians 1:4 KJV

https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.1.4.KJV

 

That’s more of what’s going on now, more than what I am feeling right now, but it is still a good thought.

My mind says I need to add on a lot more, but I am wasting sunlight. I need to get back to my blue rainbow project. I decided to redo it, because I overlooked the same problem I had before.

I started to continue, but then I would lose money. I am working smarter. It may have taken a moment, but I am here.

I know this is way too short, so I will hold onto it, and hopefully come back tomorrow. I am so hungry, but I already had some yogurt. Think I’ll grab an apple until dinner time. This not eating, well eating less is  no way near fun..

 

                                 Sat’ 6/6/2020 ~ 3:48pm

I awoke with a totally different plan than what I wanted to do yesterday.  I was letting my bank account talk for me and overlooking the pain I am going through now. I had to start asking what’s more important, pushing myself closer to the grave or trying hard to stay out of it?

I put in a request to see if they will allow me to work one day. They may or may not agree to it and either way. I am good. So far they have not given me a response and I am still good.

I am also going to give my brother one more week to keep his word, because I know once I get my website up I will bring in a few extra dollars. I am not looking to pay for road trips, or anything fancy. I am hoping – No, I will make enough to pay for healthcare, food, and maybe enough to go to the movies once in a while.

I also know I need to work on my blue rainbow project, but my heart just isn’t into it. Oh that is another thing I am going to do whether I like it or not. I will give my friend her one of a kind gift for her first baby. 

I would love to work outside on the patio, but the heat coming from the sun has me thinking that is out of the question. There isn’t anything on TV to catch my attention. It’s a good thing for DVDs Oh wow I just remembered tubitv.com so I think I’ll go there instead…

 

                               Tues 6/9/2020 ~ 6:41am

I kept on thinking I forgot something as I was doing so many things at one time and then I remembered, I didn’t post this, and that wasn’t good. I was going to post what I had, but once again a thought came to mind. And as much as I want to say more, I have an hour to eat and get ready for work. 

So once again I am going to put this thought aside and come back when once again my time is my time. The work day had to come back into reality.

(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)

2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV

https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.5.7.KJV

I couldn’t get that thought “walk by faith & not by sight,” after I read:

Once again David inquired of the Lord , and the Lord answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.”

1 Samuel 23:4 NIV

https://1samuel.bible/1-samuel-23-4

 

Why must we second guess the Word and then once again I realized “fear” is not just a word.

                                                     7:53pm

The good thing about working retail is, someone will always call out or need to change a day. I got an extra work day tomorrow. I have finally cooled off (a lukewarm shower does help get that started) and a half a bottle of water added that statement. 

I also realized I must be dehydrated, because I couldn’t get enough water. It actually tasted good and I wanted another bottle. I guess I should have done that, but my mind was yelling, “NO!” 

One could get full on water and if I don’t eat dinner I know I will be up at 3am hungry, I thought I finish my thought from this morning and then settle down and get something to eat.

I am going to try NOT get any of that chocolate cake my mother brought home. I am working hard on being a better me and that would be at least 85lbs less, so no cake for me.

I am smiling, because I see in the bottom left corner of my screen I am over the 1,000 word count mark…..

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1245 Word Count)