“Working hard to better me….  I learned a new stitch yesterday and changed it to work my way today….  In everything I am doing, I am Smiling, I may not post it all on fb, (for I am Not an open book for all to see & know) and as I continue to be true to my Savior and myself I Will Win. Break is over back to work, my next break will be a water break, and that pitcher will be empty”….

~~~ Normally I post something I wrote on this blog and post it on my facebook page, but this is a first by me taking something from my facebook page to post one the blog. ~~~ I thought  had gotten over a few hurtful words from people, because of a picture:

A plate of empty cupcake holders. People act like I stopped eating healthy and drinking water. I even started explaining how this was from my son’s birthday and I just wanted something sweet. I wasn’t hardly going to turn down cupcakes that were made from scratch by my own two hands.

One person called me out on my page, another came up to me before service started, and another called me on the phone. He wasn’t hearing anything I said and only told me what he thought I should be doing.

People are so funny, because they see my life as their own? I wonder if they are focusing on me, to avoid what they are doing themselves? I wanted to ask them how their supervisor feels about them staying in the bathroom all day, because they are drinking a pitcher of water every day. 

I am laughing, because I have never known a company that paid people to stay in the restroom all day. If that is the case,(pause) no way I wouldn’t want to work there, but my they do – not.

Time is moving way too fast and I haven’t even come close to doing everything I set out to do, but taking one thing at a time is the best thing I can do and that is okay with me. Sometimes fast isn’t always good and one one can’t really go too slow. In the end you go a little faster then slow, but not too fast where you cannot give your best. So, I will keep on moving at my own speed.

There comes a time when you have to be true yourself and leave everyone behind you, if they can’t keep up with you, because in reality. Not everyone is supposed to be with you anyway.

Well, I have to get back to working on my blanket, and I have been wanting to watch the live Aladdin movie with Will Smith. I can’t wait to get my “online magazine” started and start selling a blanket or two my way. And, that will be a story for another day, because the sun won’t be out for much longer and I don’t want to go to sleep without working on my latest project…

 

Bye IV now, LD*

(The sun has gone down, because I was late with this post. Better than not at all).

 

Nite*

 

All I can say is, “always listen to that inner voice,” and don’t be afraid to change your steps. I am going into my new life strong, bold, and doing things my way. I am laughing, because I can already hear the doubters. I am laughing and I will NOT be listening to them and I WILL NOT explain to them my new outlook on my life.

Did you catch onto the last two words of my past sentence? (My Life) I just got done with three hours of reading, taking notes, and deciding what was a good or bad idea for my magazine. I did learn a lot of things, one of them I am going to have to be a copywriter, and learn as I go.

I was even thinking about passing on all that work and just adding my stories to my blog and a BIG NO – NO started screaming in my head. Wow, I had to close my eyes and think about what I was about to do, and why?

There are so many things wrong with adding a business thought to your personal life and the two should Never be as one. I agree I will remain true to myself in both areas, but they are two different mind frames. 

1.  I am basically enjoying talking (typing) about my feelings, things I have done, or planning to do. Just like thunder my words are loud and all over the place.
2. I will still be creative, because that will be what my magazine will be about, but I cannot change from that point of view. It will not be as personal, but you will still see me in each word that is read.

My mind is saying go to another point and get back to learning, because I need to know more. I am looking out of the window and although the sky is grey, there is enough light for me to work on my blanket, but that will have to wait.

I also noticed a book I have to return to the library. I wanted to write a review on it, because I decided I was going to add that (a book review) to my magazine.

Although the few people I have told, they said I shouldn’t, and how it should be about one subject. I keep telling people I am Not a One Subject Kind of Girl..

In the end I am going to be me no matter what and I hope I am not alone.

 

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/jos.1.9.NLT

 

Bye IV Now, LD*

 

What do you do when people look at you with dead eyes? A strange question and if you are wondering what are dead eyes? There may be many answers, but the one that I am referring one. When people are really looking at you as if you are not even there. You are so meaningless that you are dead to them.

I am not working, but I am looking for a job. I am online and going to every interview and ding everything I can. I lost my chance years ago of any real training. I was so angry feeling  other people’s responsibilities were put on me and looking for love.

If only I knew I wasn’t going to find love then, because I didn’t know what love was. My mind was so full of pain, there was no room for love, and I am so grateful that is not where I am standing today.

When you look at me – I wonder what you see? Do you see the person is has a caring heart and she will do anything for you? Do you see the person who once had a dream, turned down a life of her own to help you, or do you believe she wasn’t worth having a dream. Was she meant to be your maid and bank account, she wasn’t meant to have a life?

You heard me talking about away to not only pay the bills, but to be happy doing it. You heard how you were being added to get some money in your pocket, because if I could sell my crochet blankets online, so why wouldn’t I help you do the same. Hey, you can also make hats, and doll baby clothes etc…

No words came from you. You had nothing to say good or bad, but then you turn around acting like I don’t want to work. I am not trying and it hurts knowing they have such little faith in me.

UGH. I am done crying, because I know who I am and NO mortal man, woman, or child can do anything or say anything to take me out of the race of God. People may know my name, but they don’t know who I am. They can look at me and still not see the real “Lisa,” and I am okay with that.

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.                                       Hebrews 11:1 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/heb.11.1.NLT

My eyes were open today at service today, because I realized I couldn’t do  a website and follow the rules like everyone else. I am not like everyone else and I will walk my own path and allow anyone to follow it.                       

An online magazine is where I will keep my more creative stuff as well as items I will  sell on my terms and keep my blog writing for more personal and hopefully uplifting thoughts and maybe something funny. (Smile)

With the sound of the gospel in the air I believe I will call it a day. I did keep my word this weekend. I worked on nothing but my crochet and it felt nice not looking at a computer screen. Then again, I do love the wonder of words….

 

Bye IV now, LD*

Bathing in the sunshine as a Smile across my face. And, I cannot be ever so grateful that I am LOVED and I know where I stand. God is so GOOD.

There was a time when I would have looked up the perfect bible quote right here, but – (my mind stopped thinking about what I was going to say,  because now I want to add in something based on what I am feeling right now).

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.                                                  1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT.  https://bible.com/bible/116/1th.5.18.NLT

 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.                                                Psalms 139:14 NLT bible.com/bible/116/psa.139.14.NLT

If you were to look at me, you would think I am in trouble, because I am unemployed and no money coming in. The apartment that I am living with my family maybe lost, because it’s based on me having a job to pay the rent. Management says I have a little over 60 days to have a job.                             

People are looking at me like why aren’t you working as if it is easy to find a job when you don’t have a car to get to the jobs you are being offered or a piece of paper saying you can do the job that you have been doing for years.

Everyone has to put in their two cents. I have  family members who act like this is my fault, but they are watching me, listening to my words after one interview after the other, and know I am  trying to get out of this mess. (to get that job they think I should of had two months ago)

They are wondering why I am smiling and not feeling down and out. They have no idea of who I am and who I will be. My strength doesn’t come from a man made job, but the ability to see beyond that and come through with what I need to to live in this world on my terms. Yes, there was a time when I work paycheck to paycheck never getting ahead and at times falling back, because those same paychecks kept on getting smaller and smaller. When is enough  ENOUGH?

Here & Now is my time. I may only have 12 articles for my website, but that is still good. I am stepping out and believing in “ME” and I can careless if no one else feels the same.

You cannot take that step for me and I cannot take it for you. I am going to stand and keep on Smiling, because one day when those who didn’t see my Smile will.

I am getting ready to go back in time, because I am remembering part of a song from “TLC” as well as one from “Ms. Mary J. Blige”  something about your friends keeping the ones you came in with. (sorry I do not have time to look up those songs, but I got the artist name right and you can take that step in looking it up if you want)

I am now laughing, because I hadn’t planned on writing anything else today, but I am no longer going to stop a thought again.

 

Bye IV Now, LD*  

 

 

 

I had thought I was going to start writing about the book I was reading, but as I picked up my son’s laptop computer two thoughts came to me? One is it’s too early to being working and I realized I am not on a time table anymore, because I can write whenever I want. The one good thing about being unemployed. Although, I no longer consider myself unemployed, but self employed. Then again I am not getting paid yet, so I guess I am still unemployed? I guess it depends on how yo look at it. I am working on getting the bills paid as I enjoy my life as it should be. The world will not win this time.

I had to go into my email account to get to google documents and was about to overlook the 9000+ messages, but I decided to do the right thing. I had always thought I could be missing out on something important, but didn’t look through the chaos of words.

It took almost two hours to get things cleaned out and I was right. I saw a few messages that could have been my real job a few months ago. Should  or shouldn’t I go to my yahoo account. I am not looking too clean that one out either, but at least I don’t have to read anything in it. As much as I want to do that, right. I am going to enjoy my coffee before I get too hungry. I do not drink my coffee with my breakfast or any kind of food. My mother doesn’t understand, but I want to taste my coffee and mix it with anything else. I like both my food and coffee hot and one is going to get neglected and either one doesn’t taste good cold.

If I am drinking iced coffee, then I can, and have eaten food with it. There is nothing like a warm muffin with your favorite iced coffee to go with it. My mind is on coffee. I have no idea what I was talking or typing about and I have no need to go back and reread what I have already typed. So, I am going to end this right now. I am smiling, but I am “Happy.”

                 

                   Bye IV Now, LD*