I had to stop playing my “Township” game, because it was 10:45am EST. I have gotten into the habit of enjoying my coffee as I watch the ladies from “The Real,” and have fifteen minutes to get ready. I had given up on getting my favorite coffee creamer, because every store I have been in for weeks. I found Amaretto – International Delight Coffee Creamer.

I kept on thinking about the cost of a manicure and a pedicure which was only $65.00. I believe that was a good deal. Yes, your fingers and toenails look cute, but what happen to you not having any money to pay back the $200.00 you owe me?

I know I no longer have stressed over things that were done to me or said to or about me. I had so many headaches and once I finally took control over my mind, my body just fell in line, and all that bad energy I was allowing to control me was gone.

To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ;

2 Corinthians 2:10 KJV

https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.2.10.KJV

 

I surprised myself when I saw a person’s name and their deed was brought back to life. I have spoken to this person, we may never be friends again, but I am not the one to hold onto grudges anymore. I say we are  now passing friends.

What does the word friend mean to you?

1.  Two or more people who are close enough to know mood changes. If you are upset, they will know how to make you smile, and help you workout whatever it was that caused you to be upset. They do not run when you are going through a rough time. I wouldn’t even blink, but they would stop whatever you were doing and help out. 
2.  You may not have always laughed at the same jokes, or liked the same movie, but everyone could agree that you enjoyed each other’s company. 
3.  You knew when to give an encouraging word, or a calming hug when needed.
4.  You know you are in a safe place and there was no need to worry if you would be hurt, because you took your time to get to know the people in your circle. Trust and honesty and good values are what you saw and that’s why you called them your friend.

What is a passing friend? Is someone you once called a friend. You do not see yourself as their friend, but you still acknowledge them. If I saw Gina “whom I now consider a passing friend” I would greet her in a kind voice, ask how she was doing, and wish her well before I continued to walk away.

I will always wish that person not, but good health and a blessed life. Now before you get to be a passing friend, I have listened to you, I have tried to believe you, but a lie is a lie. So, I am good.

I read a book years ago and it always kept me from going back into any painful thoughts. “Having our say, The Delany Sisters  the first 100 years,” by Amy Hill Hearth, Elizabeth Delany, and Sarah Louise Delany.   https://g.co/kgs/wX7Ypp 

I know I am looking at this through my eyes, but I don’t understand how she couldn’t do the same. I am a single parent who only had a part time job, without any help, and barely paying my bills. I had to go into secrecy and be out of work for six weeks. I BEGGED you to at least give me some if you couldn’t give me all of what you owe me.

I stopped calling as well as sending text for over a month. I totally ignored you whenever I saw you and kept it moving. You showed your true colors and I was done. Then one day you asked me to lunch and a ride home from service.

My first thought was to politely say, “no thank you,” but I didn’t. The small talk was cool at first, but after 30 minutes you didn’t say what I thought we were supposed to be talking about. I must have had a look on my face and you then started telling me about a lawsuit you were going through and how you were going to pay me back from that.

“I’m like really,” but kept those words to myself. The next day instead of taking me home from service you had to have her nails done. The whole time I was there I was thinking:

1. I would start in the produce section: tomatoes, potatoes, onions, peppers, lettuce, spinach, carrots, lemons, and at least two fruits that were on sale.
2. I would then make my way through each aisle: condiments,canned veggies,cereal and dried fruit, coffee and juice, cleaning supplies and tissue, frozen yogurts, milk, and some meat.

If there was anything left from that $65.00 I would have gotten some toothpaste or treated my son to a new book. I know baking soda works, but it doesn’t taste all that good.

My mind was blown away when you dropped me at my door and repeated how you would pay me back at a later time. I agreed with what the Delany sisters had said about forgiving, but you will always remember.

I am laughing, because Gina had the verse to say “You said I didn’t have to pay you back.” I told her what I really said which was, “I forgive you for not keeping your word in paying me back. May God bless you and enjoy your life.”

I made sure I blocked her phone number and her name from my facebook page and I have moved on. We still go to the same church and at first I just being  polite to others who kept on asking me about her until one day I broke it down to them, how, and why I do not hang out with her anymore.

I didn’t want to go there, but enough was enough. And, yes those questions have stopped, and that’s a good thing. I may see her once in awhile and 

Me   : Hey.                                                Gina : Hey how are you?                           Me   : I’m fine. Glad the sun is out, have a good day. (And walk away)

I have suggested this being a passing friend to my son and he has agreed and does the same thing. It has worked for him as it did me. You are not hurting anyone’s feelings, unless they ask you why you no longer hanging out with them, but then again they already know. 

Once a person sees that you are not going to turn back to them, they move on, and in the end you are better off without them. It is good to “Forgive & Let GO!”

Bye IV Now, LD*                                    (1170 word count)

I am unclear of what I want to talk about, because there is so much I want to set free. How do you calm your mind, that is running wild, and all you want to do is bury your head under the covers?

The only problem with trying to hide, sooner or later you are going to have to come out for air. Your body is going to stop, and once again the voices in your head will start talking again. I guess you can pretend not to hear them and lose a good night’s sleep.  Is it worth it? When you awake the next day, those same thoughts will return louder, and more bolder than before.

It will take over your life making it hard to pay attention at work, at school, or just being around your family or friends. That may not seem so bad at first. Then your performance at work starts lacking,  you start snapping at people, and your manager may not care for the words that are coming out of your mouth. 

You also may not be thinking clearly and quit a job you need to pay your bills. You lock yourself away from family and friends. And I can already see through you and you are thinking family is just blood and they are just there. Someone can always say they are your friends, but if you aren’t paying for meals or baby sitting are they really your friend?

Then there may be one or two that steps away from your thinking and really show you that they care. Do you push them away, because you feel they will not understand. They will only try to help you so many times before they go away. You start asking yourself if I did this:

• I can have a drink and that will clear your thinking. Does this really help? You may forget your painful thoughts for a while and be replaced with another, and reality comes back. What you were trying to drink away is still there.
• I can leave my home, family, friends, and start a new job in a new town. I can pretend to be someone else, but a lie is a lie no matter how you dress it. The truth will come out no matter how you try to hide it.

Did you know you can hurt yourself physically  and mentally? Our body cannot hold in so much stress it will come out. It shows its ugly colors in so many ways if you just stop and listen. The head aches, sour tummy, and countless things I have no interest in listing them.

I have heard people like to go for a run, I would rather walk, and walking does help clear one’s mind. I start on my list and think about each item over and over until I have an answer. If I am still unclear of my next step I put my list on paper and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. 

Once you put all the good and bad things in black and white (well blue and white for me, because I do not write in black ink) you may be closer to your answer. If not maybe there is one person whom you can talk to and accept an honest opinion.

I have learned not to over think and enjoy my life as best as I can and I am done. I make plans to improve my tomorrow, but never over stepping today. These are steps to get to your goal and if you look at what’s in between those steps you may enjoy your goal even more.

Take notes and maybe you can help someone else set their dreams free as you did yours. Remember, someone had to have inspired you, and how sweet would that be if you can do the same? I bet that would be a nice feeling.

Bye IV now, LD*                                      (655 Word Count)

 

 

I awoke with a purpose and although the sun wasn’t up with me, I got up and started my walk. I surprised myself by not only thinking of going for a walk, to walking before the sun was in the sky wow. It was a good way to  start my day.

I had originally wanted to workout with a lady on tv who does a morning stretch, but she was a little too advanced for me. It would have been nice if she had two ways  to show her workout routine.

That is one of the main reasons why I never liked going to an aerobic class, because there was a chance that there wasn’t someone showing you how to do the same steps in a slower way. For the few who are out of shape, may find it hard to keep up, and give up halfway through.

I have taken beginner classes, but for some reason the instructor goes so slow that I’m like no way. Then if you get lucky there are two people doing the same thing,  instead of doing jumps and high kicks, the second person’s moves aren’t so painful, and the average person can follow. That second person made the class more doable. I would definitely go back and tell others along the way to do the same.

My walk this morning was only a warm up, because my goal is to workout  at least two hours per day. They will not be joined together, but each minute  will count.

I have already added more water, (on my 2nd cup so far) less food, and a better attitude  are on the top of my list. Someone had suggested fasting and I know I cannot do that, so for now I am going to try it my way. I will cut out a full lunch and a light dinner.                     

I believe in a good breakfast to start my day and I am not going to change that. If I didn’t eat,  I wouldn’t be able to have a cup of coffee, and trust me when I say I am not a nice person without it. 

I thought I was the only person who didn’t like to drink their coffee with food. When I am eating I want to enjoy my food and it’s the same when I am drinking my coffee. Besides I am mentally preparing for my day and how can one start a realizing day without their coffee?

 I just finished a nice 10 minute routine and can’t wait for the next one.  I saw this “ 7 Day Challenge 7 minute workout on youtube,” https://youtu.be/yL_dE81O_mw  and it was easy to follow. Only time will tell if it will work.

Yesterday, I was so proud of myself for going farther in my walk outside. I have been aiming to get to the bottom of the hill after my regular routine. I normally walk up a small hill, back down the hill to the corner and turn right, but I wasn’t able to go to the end. 

Yeah, but I had the misfortune to be talking to a person who thought that that wasn’t much of a challenge. He (James) went on and on how I should be walking on a track and something else I don’t recall, because I started tuning him out. 

In those few words he made me recall why I stopped talking to him. I have another friend who isn’t so positive right now, but I realized she just wants to go back home. She lives in Costa Rica and of course she cannot with this sickness going on.

I figured if I can overlook her words, I could do the same for him, but I realized I cannot. Well, I will keep giving an encouraging note through text, but that will be about it. It will be up to him if he accepts that, because I cannot be a better me with “doubtful” words coming towards me.

I see the clock says it’s 1:35pm and my tummy is yelling at me. It says, “FEED ME!” I am going to get some fruit and another cup of water.  I will most likely get a granola bar by 3pm and another cup of water, but it will be heated.

I had read something about drinking hot water is good for you. I drank room temperature water all the time, but the word “hot” popped into my head. So, I googled what I was thinking. I read a  few sites, but I like this one best.

  https://food.ndtv.com/food-drinks/heres-why-you-should-start-your-day-with-a-glass-of-warm-water-1657259

I am NOT going to list any of the information  from it, so if you want to know what I read please feel free to go to the site. I will have to do the same thing, because I noticed a few other articles that would be good for my health.

I found a new crochet project a light blue drunken granny stitch

https://youtu.be/3h4397ZuwBM and I can’t wait to get back to it. 

Since, I am only close to 900 words, and I have decided no less than 1,000 word count for either my “Blog” or my “Website,” so I will come back after lunch, and my craft time.

I walked for another 15 minutes and danced for 30 for a total of one hour and ten minutes. I may not have gotten to the two hour workout planned today, but it was my first time testing this idea out. A little over an hour is better than none at all. 

I ended my day with a simi healthy dinner of salmon and oven fried carrots and potatoes. I was surprised it was good, but not very filling. I also didn’t go by the full recipe, because I wasn’t going to cook it in a half a stick of butter (Even if the butter was unsalted). The salmon wouldn’t have been as healthy as I liked and I am working on being , “A better me.”

(Those are carrots )

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1,018 word count)

 

I got up with a purpose today and so ready to start working on my light blue crochet  project. 

Its called: A Crochet Modern Boho Granny Stitch. I learned about it on YouTube.

I also noticed : https://daisyfarmcrafts.com/modern-boho-granny-crochet-blanket/

I may have played a few minutes on my township game and as I listened to some calming sounds coming from the television (channel 1911 a gospel station on music choice a station on cable).

I was not going to think how I had to take out two days’ work, because of a mistake. I normally would have continued to work on it and cover it up at the end.           

I got to thinking about the $85.00 to$100.00 that I will be charging for it and thought I am going to give my best. Now there are times when I honestly do not catch the mistake until my project is so far long, that I cannot redo it, and just have to move forward.

I am human and I have the ability to learn. I learn from mistakes and try not to do the same thing. I also look at others not with the mind “it won’t happen to me,” because I will do it differently. That is not a mind of learning, but one trying to outdo someone else.

It doesn’t matter who made the mistake, if you can learn from it, and make it right. That means choosing a different path and praying over each step you take. You keep moving forward for the past is the past and I am not going to let that hold me down. I may have to remind myself –

• I am Loved – I know I have Jesus, my son, a handful of family and friends. I am blessed. One doesn’t need to have a crowd around them to know this. And, I LOVE MYSELF!!!

On a side note ~ One has to know who are real and who are just there, because not everyone who says they are your friend are truly your friend. The person who is blood related from your  mother, aunt or uncle may not have the right heart for you, because a person who may share your blood can hurt you just as bad as that thief, and more.

• I am Not my mistake – There was a time I was walking through the world without a heart and allowed self doubt to take my dreams, believing the lies. I lost count of the times people have talked down to me, treating me as if I was really there, and if they didn’t care? Why should I?

On a side note ~ You are the only one who is in charge of your own steps. I walk on a path that says I can do anything I set my mind to. I am not going to let anyone stop me from setting my dreams free and that includes me. I know what I want and have taken steps to learn and grow and one day others will see what I know. Then again I do not care if they do or if they don’t see, because they are not me!

• I am More than what people see – They believe I should just work from paycheck to paycheck. It may not be a job you like and it doesn’t matter as long as your bills are paid.

On a side note ~ If you are not happy, you are not going to do your best, and what’s the point? You have one life to give, so why do something you don’t like. Then again if you like it, cool, do your best and work on your dream without others knowing about it. Keep a secret smile and enjoy your life the best you can.

• I have a dream and I am walking in it now and enjoying every step I take.

I am laughing,because that was a title of a Bobby Brown song years ago,  “Every little step,” and now I do not remember the word to it. I know he (Bobby Brown) was in black dancing with two male background dancers also in black and a skinny light skin black girl was walking around in a black mini skirt and a silver top.  This video also showed him with a new weird haircut and dancing the running man. I guess I remembered a lot about the video..

The sun is out and I am so grateful for another day. I cannot help but smile and I am not going to let anyone take this feeling away from me.

I realized not everyone is on the positive side, especially this day in age with this virus keeping everyone in the house and on edge.  I have one friend who I know is a nice person and strong in her belief. We look at Jesus in two different ways, but we both agree He is good.

I figured if I could overlook some of the things I don’t agree with, I could do the same for a long time friend. Let’s call him “James,” after last night I am starting to rethink the decision to allow him back into my space.

I almost overlooked the mistake I made on my light blue project and after taking in a loud breath I had to redo a part of it and his statement had me shaking my head. 

James : What’s wrong?                            Me       : I just made a mistake and have to redo my stitch.                                James : That’s no big deal.                      Me       : It’s time I get me some tea with ginger and go to bed.                          James : What’s the ginger for. You sick?Me       : No, it’s good for you. I even tried it in my coffee.                           James  : Don’t do that you’re going to make yourself sick.                                  Me       : Not, it was a little spicy and good. I am done talking to you good night and bye.

I hung up on any response that he might have said. I knew he had gotten under my skin, because of that first sip of my tea. I didn’t realize I had too much lemon in it and I couldn’t drink it.

I wonder if he even caught onto the caring words that he was saying? I was told at an early age to think before I speak, because once a word is said it cannot be taking back. You can apologize, but those hurtful words cannot be forgotten. 

I believe that is why it takes me a moment to say what’s on my mind, but make no mistake. I will be truthful and to the point.

My son came home and anything that wasn’t a good thought was pushed aside.  That’s what I am talking about. If a person can’t make you smile, then why are they in your space?

I am thinking about only talking to him through text only. Then again why should he be in my space if he isn’t worth it. Life is too short to allow even a thought of anything less than positive and no matter how I talk of this he has a “me,” personality and doesn’t see anyone else. 

I am smiling, because I just answered my own question. I have to get back to my light blue project, but first a cup of coffee..

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1202+ word count)

 

Who knew a clean kitchen can make you smile? I have stopped dreaming about things I see on a tv or movie screen. It took me a while to understand I do not know the truth behind the words and pictures I see in a magazine. 

You may see a smiling face, but is it real? So, I am happy with my smile. My kitchen was just a little out of order and it’s now lemon fresh. A true smile is better then a fake smile. 

I started posting positive thoughts and pictures on my Facebook page, because you never know who may be crying underneath that smile that is shown in the public eye. It’s a time where we should be encouraging each other and not just focusing on the bad things. How can we get through this? What can we do until it’s over.

I know there are a few who do not understand the Bible and may not believe. I do know if one stays in the dark one cannot see the light, so why not focus on something good. Think of a way to make that bad thing good.

I also learned to not look at the big picture, but break it down into small pieces. No job is too small, because if someone hadn’t built those steps no one else could go to the next flour. So, just maybe sending something positive is a good thing.

I have a few friends who talk about wanting a better outcome, but more focus on the darkness. That’s all they want to talk about, so I have learned to say a quick hello. I also text those who text. The best thing about a text is you keep it short and to the point and if you answer with a letters like: “K” “O” “U” 

If you have a person whom you know likes to talk and you are just not in the mood, but you still want to be polite. My phone has a, “can’t talk, text you later” button. I don’t feel too bad about not answering it. Sometimes that is true I am busy, but there are times when I am just not feeling that person.

My positive words for myself is, “A better me,” because that is what I am working on. It will be  better for both mind and body. Those three words are keeping me moving even when all I want to do is sit down. I decided to break down my workouts from one thirty minute workout to a three thirty minute workout each day.

I took a few minutes to throw in a few cornrows, because for some reason I cannot find a hat. It’s a good thing I am not so into my looks that I have to be  modal every time I walk out of my door. I can go out and enjoy a short walk. I am going to push through my walk no matter how painful it may be.

Yesterday (2 days ago now) after my doctor’s visit I realized what I have been looking at was true. I knew I was overweight, but that 293 made me sound like Ric Flair who used to say whoo. I shook my head and recalled my words. “A better me,” and those numbers are not me.

It’s time that I stop here and get outside, because the sky is grey. I don’t mind walking under a grey sky, but it’s not good walking in the rain. Then again it’s not so bad, but I cannot take a chance on getting a simple cold. We are now living in a time where the simple can be turned into something that goes beyond simple.

It was raining lightly and the old me would have gone back into the house, but I am not who I was a few weeks ago. I turned my key and grabbed a jacket and an umbrella, with the sound of gospel off I went.

I started to turn right and go down a hill, but I turned left and walked up a small hill. I didn’t even get halfway before my back started yelling at me. “I am not listening to you pain – you can go away.” is what I said. I may have had to stand still a few times, but I wasn’t going to stop.

Thirty minutes doesn’t sound like a lot and it will not make a difference. That would be a dark side trying to keep you from the light. I know every little step goes a long way, One has to take baby steps before they can get to that full out strength run. 

.The best thing about starting off slow, it helps you keep moving, and one day you will notice your thirty minute workout is way too easy. Then it will be time to add fifteen extra minutes  and then another fifteen minutes. I myself will call it done at an hour, but then again that’s me. Who knows that time frame could change only time will tell.

Eggs are cooling (I am boiling two eggs) for my salad. I had planned on being a vegetarian to lose weight, but my doctor told me that wasn’t a good idea. So chicken, (not fried) sea food, and red meat once a month. I still plan on eating light and extra veggies every day along with more water.

Just thinking about water I am making a face. The only good side to that is , my doctor was happy with the five cups a day I have been drinking, and she and I didn’t have to drink a gallon a day. Now that was the best news I got yesterday.

Well my writing time is up for the day. Someone said it was a time to be lazy and I’m like NO WAY! I have always liked to be doing something, because look what happened. I was just eating and crocheting as well as working on my cross stitch. I LOVE my projects, but sitting down for hours doesn’t do your body good.

I am also the one who likes to plan things out and today I am just checking things off as being done. It is now a time to work on my craft before I eat and a little reading and my last 30 minute workout by dancing to end my Saturday off right.

If I cannot find a movie on TV, there is always the computer as I eat the last of my cheesy cauliflower Mexican rice dinner. I had tried a store brand of cauliflower rice and it was the nastiest thing I ever tasted and wasn’t going to try it again, but I knew I had to add more veggies. So I found a recipe that I turned into one of my own, and it was so good. 

My son said he didn’t need to add ranch to it and he puts ranch on everything he eats. I am so glad he liked it. A big hit and I can’t wait to do it again.

Sometimes you have to put your own spend on it to make it good. I also added black beans and I didn’t care for them before.

 

Bye IV Now, LD*

(1215 word count)