I decided I wasn’t going to work on my last last book and just write for me. I am smiling trying to overcome the eel feeling I have for this book. I have been told countless times to leave it alone, but I am not feeling it.

 

I have cut a lot, but not enough. I will not give up on it. These books were written when I didn’t know Jesus, heard of Him, but wasn’t trying to be like him. 

 

I did realize that is why I have a publisher and will ask her and let her decide. I will suggest that two of the three books be cut and added together and that would make me happy.

 

My fingers are already to get to typing the next and best series of books. That is the only reason I agreed to go over this one, because one cannot move from one to four without having two and three come in between.

 

I have a lot more to say, but as I turned to my window and noticed the sun is already shining bright and I have yet to enjoy my coffee. I just remembered I am down to two bags and will not be able to go to the store to get any more.

I have only found this coffee in one retail store. This is a store where I used to work at and although I don’t work there anymore. I was told I could come back, but that never happened.

 

I also decided if I wasn’t good enough to work for them, my money isn’t good enough to support them. A sad thought to never enjoying my coffee again. Then I just had to laugh, because I now live in a time where one can find and buy anything online.

 

On my job hunt I came across another retail store close to the one I worked at that had close to the same items, cost a little more, but my money will go there.

 

IT’S COFFEE TIME….   

 

Bye IV now, LD*

 

Dear James,

 

I thought you finally gotten it through your head that I am done talking to you. I was wrong, but once again I got in touch with you and actually spelled it out to you. I even told you how you could better yourself, by getting into the Word, and maybe then we could start talking again.

I knew you were never going to read the Bible. You refer to it as just a book and with that it mind. You will always remain where you are and that is your choice. You complain and complain how things are always going wrong, but you don’t want to change try and make it better. 

You never could understand how I could be positive when you know I am walking through rough times. I can make a list of things you talked about as well as the things I am going through.

1.  I didn’t have a job, but my bills were paid  and food was on the table.

You: You have a good paying job, but since you are not managing your money and giving it to everyone who is in need. You don’t have what you need to truly take care of your bills. 

2. I never stopped looking for the right job and not just a job. It may have taken me over two months, but I am now working Monday through Friday 7am to 3pm and every other Saturday. This means I will never miss a day or night of service and still have enough time to go back to school and work on my craft. I know what you have said about my writing (posting stories on my blog or working on my book) and making blankets (that no one wants to buy). True you apologized and said you were only joking. People say what they mean  and it’s not always a joke.

You: There are other things you can do in your company. You have talked about moving to another area, but it will change your hours  and it will get you away from stressful people, but you don’t want to change. You say you aren’t running from anyone, but yet you let them get to you every day. You leave with a headache and upset you can barely get home without getting into an ancient.  (I left a good job, because I am worth more then what they was putting me through). Too bad you don’t know yourself worth?

3.  I have had a dream since I was young and I am walking out that dream. I enjoy writing and being creative and I know one day I will be able to live off my dream. Those who put in their time, their heart, and hard work will see their dreams become reality. I don’t always have to be big enough for the world to see and enjoy. If you catch the eyes of a few (as of 02/09/2020 I have 10 people following my page and I am so grateful and blessed) and who knows how many will follow in the days to come?

 You: You have never wanted anything other than getting a car and your own place and last I check you didn’t have either.

Wow, with these three different points of views is it any wonder why I am no longer talking to you. I cannot keep telling you things will be alright, when I know that’s a lie. One has to change to make things right. 

This sending me a text asking how I am doing a signing it, “with love” is something we haven’t done in the past, so why would you do that now? Then again why would you text me using a different females name, thinking I was going to text you back. 

I have told you  I need people who are encouraging and uplifting in my life. They are working on a dream or just want to live the best life they can. One has to change to do that. You are none of those things. I really pray you get it in your head to stop with the text and if you call my phone I will press charges on you. (I do recall you said jail wasn’t fun)

You even suggested I should change my number if I didn’t want you to text me anymore? Yet, you know I was looking for a job and may have cut my chances off in getting a job, if I had done what you thought I should do. Why should I change my world when you should just get  life? 

I read your text, just so that I can laugh, but sooner or later this will NO LONGER be funny. I have moved on and I don’t understand why you hadn’t done the same?

 

Bye IV now, LD

“Working hard to better me….  I learned a new stitch yesterday and changed it to work my way today….  In everything I am doing, I am Smiling, I may not post it all on fb, (for I am Not an open book for all to see & know) and as I continue to be true to my Savior and myself I Will Win. Break is over back to work, my next break will be a water break, and that pitcher will be empty”….

~~~ Normally I post something I wrote on this blog and post it on my facebook page, but this is a first by me taking something from my facebook page to post one the blog. ~~~ I thought  had gotten over a few hurtful words from people, because of a picture:

A plate of empty cupcake holders. People act like I stopped eating healthy and drinking water. I even started explaining how this was from my son’s birthday and I just wanted something sweet. I wasn’t hardly going to turn down cupcakes that were made from scratch by my own two hands.

One person called me out on my page, another came up to me before service started, and another called me on the phone. He wasn’t hearing anything I said and only told me what he thought I should be doing.

People are so funny, because they see my life as their own? I wonder if they are focusing on me, to avoid what they are doing themselves? I wanted to ask them how their supervisor feels about them staying in the bathroom all day, because they are drinking a pitcher of water every day. 

I am laughing, because I have never known a company that paid people to stay in the restroom all day. If that is the case,(pause) no way I wouldn’t want to work there, but my they do – not.

Time is moving way too fast and I haven’t even come close to doing everything I set out to do, but taking one thing at a time is the best thing I can do and that is okay with me. Sometimes fast isn’t always good and one one can’t really go too slow. In the end you go a little faster then slow, but not too fast where you cannot give your best. So, I will keep on moving at my own speed.

There comes a time when you have to be true yourself and leave everyone behind you, if they can’t keep up with you, because in reality. Not everyone is supposed to be with you anyway.

Well, I have to get back to working on my blanket, and I have been wanting to watch the live Aladdin movie with Will Smith. I can’t wait to get my “online magazine” started and start selling a blanket or two my way. And, that will be a story for another day, because the sun won’t be out for much longer and I don’t want to go to sleep without working on my latest project…

 

Bye IV now, LD*

(The sun has gone down, because I was late with this post. Better than not at all).

 

Nite*

 

All I can say is, “always listen to that inner voice,” and don’t be afraid to change your steps. I am going into my new life strong, bold, and doing things my way. I am laughing, because I can already hear the doubters. I am laughing and I will NOT be listening to them and I WILL NOT explain to them my new outlook on my life.

Did you catch onto the last two words of my past sentence? (My Life) I just got done with three hours of reading, taking notes, and deciding what was a good or bad idea for my magazine. I did learn a lot of things, one of them I am going to have to be a copywriter, and learn as I go.

I was even thinking about passing on all that work and just adding my stories to my blog and a BIG NO – NO started screaming in my head. Wow, I had to close my eyes and think about what I was about to do, and why?

There are so many things wrong with adding a business thought to your personal life and the two should Never be as one. I agree I will remain true to myself in both areas, but they are two different mind frames. 

1.  I am basically enjoying talking (typing) about my feelings, things I have done, or planning to do. Just like thunder my words are loud and all over the place.
2. I will still be creative, because that will be what my magazine will be about, but I cannot change from that point of view. It will not be as personal, but you will still see me in each word that is read.

My mind is saying go to another point and get back to learning, because I need to know more. I am looking out of the window and although the sky is grey, there is enough light for me to work on my blanket, but that will have to wait.

I also noticed a book I have to return to the library. I wanted to write a review on it, because I decided I was going to add that (a book review) to my magazine.

Although the few people I have told, they said I shouldn’t, and how it should be about one subject. I keep telling people I am Not a One Subject Kind of Girl..

In the end I am going to be me no matter what and I hope I am not alone.

 

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9 NLT

https://bible.com/bible/116/jos.1.9.NLT

 

Bye IV Now, LD*

 

What do you do when people look at you with dead eyes? A strange question and if you are wondering what are dead eyes? There may be many answers, but the one that I am referring one. When people are really looking at you as if you are not even there. You are so meaningless that you are dead to them.

I am not working, but I am looking for a job. I am online and going to every interview and ding everything I can. I lost my chance years ago of any real training. I was so angry feeling  other people’s responsibilities were put on me and looking for love.

If only I knew I wasn’t going to find love then, because I didn’t know what love was. My mind was so full of pain, there was no room for love, and I am so grateful that is not where I am standing today.

When you look at me – I wonder what you see? Do you see the person is has a caring heart and she will do anything for you? Do you see the person who once had a dream, turned down a life of her own to help you, or do you believe she wasn’t worth having a dream. Was she meant to be your maid and bank account, she wasn’t meant to have a life?

You heard me talking about away to not only pay the bills, but to be happy doing it. You heard how you were being added to get some money in your pocket, because if I could sell my crochet blankets online, so why wouldn’t I help you do the same. Hey, you can also make hats, and doll baby clothes etc…

No words came from you. You had nothing to say good or bad, but then you turn around acting like I don’t want to work. I am not trying and it hurts knowing they have such little faith in me.

UGH. I am done crying, because I know who I am and NO mortal man, woman, or child can do anything or say anything to take me out of the race of God. People may know my name, but they don’t know who I am. They can look at me and still not see the real “Lisa,” and I am okay with that.

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.                                       Hebrews 11:1 NLT https://bible.com/bible/116/heb.11.1.NLT

My eyes were open today at service today, because I realized I couldn’t do  a website and follow the rules like everyone else. I am not like everyone else and I will walk my own path and allow anyone to follow it.                       

An online magazine is where I will keep my more creative stuff as well as items I will  sell on my terms and keep my blog writing for more personal and hopefully uplifting thoughts and maybe something funny. (Smile)

With the sound of the gospel in the air I believe I will call it a day. I did keep my word this weekend. I worked on nothing but my crochet and it felt nice not looking at a computer screen. Then again, I do love the wonder of words….

 

Bye IV now, LD*